10.06.2006

Hell week, cont'd.

I hear Maddie & Emma out there playing. I hear Darren opening kitchen drawers. I hear Scott snoring quietly beside me during his afternoon nap. I know just by the sounds exactly what each member of my family is doing. As a mother you get very attuned to those kinds of things. I know that everyone is safe and being good...the only problem is that I can't hear Courtney. That's because she's not here. That's because what's become jokingly known as "hell week" here at home hit an all-time low last night.

Courtney was in one of her moods. Part of the hormonal haze that consumes her every month. It's a time when she is downright hateful. She spits acid out of her mouth, her look, her attitude. Last night she was already pushing buttons by snapping at everyone and bossing people around and when I said something to her about it, she started in on me. And so I sternly told her to get in the kitchen and do her chores that hadn't been done in two days she blatantly and defiantly responded with a very attitude-filled "no." as she laid back in the recliner. Here's a short sampling of what followed:

"Excuse me??? Did you just tell me 'NO'????"

"Yes! I have a headache and I'm not going to do crap!"

"Little girl you'd better get your butt out of that chair and get in that kitchen NOW." (as I turn off the tv she was watching.)

(Screaming...) "What did you turn that off for??? God I'm so SICK of you and this house! I AM NOT going to go in there and do those dishes! Why don't you pick on one of your OTHER kids and leave me alone!"

"GIRL YOU HAVE TILL THE COUNT OF THREE TO HAVE YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT CHAIR AND IN THAT KITCHEN! And then when you're done you can clean the living room too."

"Of course I can! Because you could care less about me! I'm so sick of this I want out of here so bad! I'm not doing any of it and you can ground me all you want."

"Fine, you're grounded for two weeks. And when you're done with all of this you can do the counters and table too (which are Maddie's chores)."

(Looking at me very coldly she quietly says) "Why don't you make it a month?"

"Fine, have it your way. You are grounded for four weeks from tomorrow...that will take us till November 3rd."

"I don't care. Ground me all you want. I'm still not doing what you ask! OH MY GOD!! I HATE YOU SO BAD!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU MOVE! YOU TREAT ME SO UNFAIR. I HAVE NO ONE! DARREN HAS DAD, THE GIRLS HAVE YOU AND I HAVE NO ONE! I don't know WHO I'm going to choose to live with because you and Dad treat me the same. Except DAD DOESN'T TALK TO ME THE WAY YOU DO!"

"Oh, you think that's because he's better than me??? No! It's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HIM THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME! You try even once to talk to him this way and see how long before he yells at you!"

etc, etc, etc.

It ended up in a screaming match the likes of which haven't been seen in quite a while around here. Her screaming how she's leaving and hopes she never comes back. Me responding "you want out that bad you've got it!" Then me throwing on a pair of jeans under my nightgown and sobbing as I grabbed my keys and stormed out slamming the kitchen door so hard the whole house shook. I flew out of the driveway and sped away crying and screaming out loud about how dare her this and why do they have to be so ungrateful that.

I tried to call Allison from the car but got her voicemail. That's not the kind of message someone needs to get. A bunch of sobs and sniffs and undecipherable words. So I called Joleen. She hasn't heard from me in that state of mind for many years...so she knew it was bad. She made out what she could and said "I'm in my pajamas but I'll be there in twenty minutes. Have her pack her stuff, I'm taking her for the weekend.

So she came and picked her up. By the time she got there Courtney was in full-blown martyr mode. "I didn't do anything!" *sniff sniff* Joleen stood in my dining room and held me as I cried and prayed with me and for me. And then off they went and I haven't seen her since. We exchanged a few texts last night apologizing and saying I love you but nothing more than that.

Of all the parts of me, why did she have to inherit the stubborn, head-strong ones? I can remember being her age and feeling so defiant. Hell would overflow before I would give in! I understand her but I can't tolerate her. I feel like I'm doing so much damage. Lets hope that we all make it through intact. We've been through so much worse I know. One of the major differences now for me though is that I have a loving man who held me when I had no words to talk. And ministered to me in every way he knew how. That's an amazing thing to have...I've never had that before.

Speaking of men who came before...RANDY STILL DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THIS HAPPENED! Because he didn't come home until the middle of the night last night and hasn't been home all day today on his day off. How can someone be so disconnected from their kids? Oh well, I digress. Maybe when Courtney is all better I can find someone to take Darren? A girl can dream can't she?

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