Firing squad

Well my temp is back to normal for the time being...hopefully it will stay that way. I got some sleep last night...HALLELUJAH!... but it was that wierd kind of feverish sleep. You know what I mean? I tossed & turned and had really crazy dreams. Blankets on, blankets off, flip the pillow over, etc. Just really restless. So I decided to get up early.

I have to say that the fact that I got the flu AGAIN this year has really bothered me. I'm not supposed to get flu shots because of the way it could make my lupus flare, but if I can still get one I'm going to. And I'm going to next year as well. Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday? It really disturbed me. Because I know it all to be true. It was on the bird flu and the pandemic that is heading our way. It's not a matter of "if" it will happen, it's simply "when and where" is it going to start. If you thought Katrina was bad in one little city then you better prepare yourself for a global catastrophe of that magnitude. And the proplem is that we don't have any vaccines for that flu because we don't know what strain it will be yet and the medicine "Tamiflu" that can somewhat treat the flu already doesn't work very well with the bird flu for one thing. The other thing is that there is a finite amount of it on the planet. They can only make it so fast and they, at this point, have enough for about 5 % of the worlds population. 5 PERCENT! That's why now when a doctor offers me a perscription for tamiflu when i get sick I turn it down. Sure, I'd like to feel better today but how irresponsible! Every time we use it now we will have less for when we really need it. It's going to be like the 1918 flu pandemic that wiped out millions.

This all used to kind of go in one ear and out the other to me until yesterday when I got whammied with a horrible flu yet again this year. This must be the fourth or fifth time I got the flu this year already. Plus bronchitis, pneumonia, etc. I used to be able to say the flu was getting worse every year. Now I have to say the flu is getting worse every week or so. It's mutating so fast now and gets stronger and more virulent each time. For the first time I have concern.

There's something to be said for being in a caregiving profession. I think nursing is one of the most noble professions on the earth (besides teaching). I can't imagine doing anything else. But everytime I go to work or deal with a patient it's like standing in front of a firing squad. I deal with the nastiest & strongest germs and they never used to bother me that bad. Once a winter I might get the flu or a cold. Now it's boom, boom, boom. I can see with my own two eyes the evolution of these illnessess and for the first time in my life I've had second thoughts about being a floor nurse. Dealing with patients every day. There's so much at stake. I have children to take care of. I'm exposed to every illness you could name. I just don't know if I'm willing to do this for much longer. It might be time to find a "desk job" if you know what i mean and get out of the field. The Lord does not give a spirit of fear, but he does give wisdom.