Holding Space...

 

Sometimes I wonder if you will ever come. I have been looking for you for more of my life than I haven't been. I've thought perhaps I found you a few times, but quickly realized I was wrong. 

A few have come close. One was pretty spot-on. He was everything. Everything but mine that is. 

So I keep on. I'm no longer looking though. I'm not searching. I just am. I am content. Alone, quiet, evolving, awakening. 

Sometimes I am more content than others. Sometimes I am lonely and wonder what I am doing waiting around for some hypothetical dream of a man. It would be so easy to settle. I left another  perfectly beautiful man so I can wait alone. 

He was beautiful but not beautifully made for me. He could be mine though. He was mine for many years.  Just this week he told me, "I don't believe we are better apart," making it clear that he is still mine if I only ask. 

It would be safe and comfortable.  Yet, I know there is more.  There are men that flirt and I know I could also settle for one of those. Scratch this lonely itch. Yet I know there is more. 

I can feel you out there. I know you are there. And I think...if a man that wasn't meant for me was so wonderful and felt like such a perfect match, just imagine what the man God did intend for me will be like. 

So I wait. I wait and I do the work on myself so that I will be a good partner to you. I wait and enjoy this life and live in the moment. I wait and I hold the space for you. I hold the space that could so easily be filled with the wrong...wrong man, wrong situation, wrong timing. I hold the space and wonder where you are and what you're doing. I wonder what you've been through. I wonder if you're doing the work too or if you're one of those beautiful, rare people who haven't been through much and are amazingly intact. 

I wonder if I'll know you right away or if you will have to grow on me. I wonder if you'll know me right away or if I'll have to grow on you. I wonder where I will meet you. I'm assuming at work because I've told God I'm not looking for you and that he will have to set you right here in front of me. 

Regardless of who you are or what you've been though, I will continue to hold the space for you. I cannot wait to meet you.