Sorry, we're closed.


I've contemplated doing this for several days now.  The events of the last week have left me battle-weary in a way I don't think I've felt before.  That, combined with the fact that I put the question box on the side of the page over there and wow, I had no idea the amount of negative, judgmental readers I have.  That kind of stuff?  Gets deleted.  The same way any nasty, judgmental comments always have.  I've always been able to tolerate it and take all the bullshit people have to say with a grain of salt, but I have suddenly and abruptly hit my limit.

Therefore, this concludes the question and answer portion of my life.

I have never written to be controversial.  I have never written in order to get feedback.  I write to purge my own soul and to get it out there.  Better out than in.  But what has happened, is that I have a few sweet and faithful readers who read because they care what I'm up to.... the rest of you are just like vultures.  You are only here because you are nosy voyeurs who want to know what's going on, but don't want to contribute in any way whatsoever to my life...and I'm fed up with ME being the only one contributing to this relationship (as well as many other relationships that either I am choosing to change or the universe is changing for me).

I am tired of not being appreciated and tired of being treated as disposable by those who are supposed to love me.  If there are only a few people on this earth that I can count on or that will be loyal to me, then I take myself back...ALL OF ME back and save it all for them.  And for myself.  You want me?  Come find me.  You want me in your life?  Figure out a way to put me there.  I'm not extending myself for anyone who doesn't extend for me.  Not anymore.  I'm spent.

I pray that the Lord heals this.  I'm sure he will.  Today, this is where I am.  I'm done.


xoxo
♥ veronica

Comments

Adwen's Hollow said…
Hey sweety! Wow, I had no idea. I'm so sorry. Words can be so hurtful and so easily spewed out without thought for what they will do. Praying for you and I love you no matter what. The rest of those jerks, good thing I don't know who you are cuz I'd woop ya!
Allison said…
Praying for healing for your heart. Your heart needs a break. I love you....through the good, the bad and the ugly...and thank you for loving me the same.
Anonymous said…
Hello Veronica

I am an anonymous reader from Lorain, Ohio.


I have been reading your blog for a long time. I stumbled across your old Yahoo stomping ground years ago. I don't even know how I got there, but I started reading and was positively shocked when I realized our families overlapped.

At first, I was just nosy. I admit it! I read and I judged. I am sure you have been there, I think we all have.

But then.. well.. as a mother, blogger, Northeast Ohioan, not traditionally 'thin', confused Christian with her own demons, I found something in you that I adored and I loved reading you.

Your blog has always been my secret guilty pleasure - I don't think there is bad blood between our family ties, but our common thread is someone we both adore. I always thought that if you and I ever did meet, we could become friends, which makes the whole 'reading your blog in secret for years thing' a little flipping weird.

I thought about writing this a million times but never did. I wanted to let you know you have a fan out here, a reader from Lorain that loves your writing, loves your humor, your wit and hasn't been a big judgy judge in a very, very long time.

If this is the end of your blog, I will be sorry to see it go. However I killed off a blog that I wrote in from 2004 -2009 for pretty much the same reasons, so I know where you are coming from.

Anyhow, I hope things come together for you and I will be checking in every once in awhile to see if you are blogging again.

- Fan in Lorain
notevenatshirt said…
Thank you for your kind words. See, THAT'S exactly the kind of thing that I needed to hear over the years to keep me going! I'm not sure where the blog will go from here...still praying and thinking about that. But it sure would have been nice to know that I had people out there who actually read & appreciated it all. Thanks again. p.s.... can I ask your name?
notevenatshirt said…
Thank you for letting me know...no, I don't think it's weird. And I won't post your comment per your request. I think I am going to send you an email though. Wish you would have said something long ago though!
Anonymous said…
Awww, I am going to miss keeping up with you. I have always enjoyed reading your blog and knowing how your doing and what life is dishing out to you. The good things and funny stuff and your pictures. You have inspired me so many times and I am proud of you. You will find it in your heart to do what is right. Thinking of you and wishing you peace and happiness.
I agree with Allison, your heart needs a break. You have been thru so much it needs to heal. Don't allow the world to harden your heart. I love you, Veronica. Always.
Anonymous said…
I'm really bummed out that you've decided to end your blogging (for the time being.) Hopefully you'll come back in full swing once you heal, but I really enjoyed reading your blog and have been a secret loyal reader for a few years now.

Please come back.
Jackie said…
Oh Veronica I am so sorry there are so many mean, judgemental people out there. I know you knew I was reading your blog, but I was a bad friend and never commented. I loved being able to see what was going on with you and your family and getting a bit of your wit and humor through here since I can't get it in person anymore. I just know that if these nay sayers met you they would love you just as I do. Thank you for the support you have given me and the friendship. I know you will be able to get through this rough patch in your life as you always do. I also hope you will continue blogging as you are an inspiration to me and to others. love you! Jackie
notevenatshirt said…
Thank you Baby Jackie (I still automatically call you that and I don't know why lol)...and to everyone else. I'm sure I'll be back at some point. It's in my blood & God is faithful to heal. As for the mean people (person?), I just click the delete button. There's only been one REALLY nasty thing said, and that was yesterday...and I'm pretty sure I know who it was. So I just ignore it. But hopefully I can use this time to bring the healing that I've never taken the time to get before. Thank you all for your kind words. Love you...xoxo V.
Anonymous said…
Hi Veronica
I don't know if you know or not if I read your blog.Things with us kinda ended on a bad note.In a perfect world with perfect people we probably would of been way better friends. I always found it interesting and loved the way you expressed yourself. I also found myself crying for you,praying for you,and smiling for you too thru all your post.Maybe I was like a silent cheerleader you never knew you had. I do agree with what the others have said your heart needs to heal right now. We all know only God can do that with time,tears,and the peace only He can provide.I'm so glad our lives paths crossed though cause I know God has taught me things from what you have gone through. And to all the haters out there-Get a life!And take care of the beam in your eye before you worry about the mote in somebody else's eye.Spreading needless hate doesn't glorify anybody but makes yourself feel better about your own flaws.
Wishing you the best in life and just peace.Praying for you always Veronica!
Anonymous said…
I'm so sorry to see you go. I hope you will reconsider! Maybe take a little break, then surprise us with coming back? :)

You really have gone through a lot in recent years. Like you've said many times, some of it was by your doing (you're only human and unfortunately, sometimes humans get themselves into self-made messes), and sometimes it was by someone else's doing. Either way, it takes a toll and you need a break.

I know you, even though I'm not letting you know who I am. I also know that you will now bust your hump to try and figure out who I am! haha! Because I know you, I know what you sometimes (no, OFTEN) forget: you are wise, friendly, shy but outgoing, hot-tempered yet compassionate, PASSIONATE, PASSIONATE, PASSIONATE! I've never met anyone as passionate about things she feels strongly about! You are EFFERVESCENT! (ha! remember that word? Yes, that's how long I've known you. And it narrows down who I am, but I'm still not telling). You may have made a joke about that word because it embarrassed you to think something like that about yourself, but there was a reason it was used in the first place: because you ARE effervescent. When you are happy, you glow. It shows in your eyes.

The problem is sweetie, that lately you're not happy. What you need is to GET happy. Do whatever it takes. Do the work, renew your spirit, get back to God, whatever it takes to make Veronica Veronica again. Because I have missed you physically for a while now, but now I even have to miss you in spirit. I hope you don't stay gone long. Come back bigger and brighter than ever! I have never met anyone like you. Remember that.
notevenatshirt said…
*speechless* Thank you. yes, I still can't believe she called me "effervescent," but now appreciate that she did. yes, this definitely narrows you down to a smaller group of people, but no, I still don't know who you are. And normally, yes I would be tryiing all my tricks to figure out who you are, but (no offense) can't be bothered lately. I'm sad that people that supposedly "love" me or even LIKE me feel the need to be anonymous. That bugs the shit out of me. But I'm grateful for your comment...it was kind of awesome.
Lulu said…
I'm not anonymous. :) I almost had a stroke, however, to see you had left this blog. I love your wit, and your humor is right on par with mine. Unfortunately, I missed your last few dozen posts, between work and baby and home and sick grandparents and.... My list goes on ad nauseum.

I am, however, glad to see that ILYMTPC is still there. Hopefully not many people go there, so I can still catch up with hoe you are.

Don't stop the writing you did on NEALTS. Just do it for yourself, and not the public eye, if you have to. I'm sure it's very theraputic for you. It is for me, when I have the time.

Come back to see us when you can. Drop me a line when you do, so I can be sure to come see what's shakin'. Until then, I'll still be checking in on ILYMTPC. Hopefully the evil ones will leave that one alone. I'd hate to lose an e-friend like you to the universe over some jerk who can't act older than five.

Love ya!
notevenatshirt said…
Thanks Lulu! You're not anonymous! WOOT WOOT! :) Although I haven't been able to yet, you're right...I do plan to always keep writing, even if no one sees it. I have to say that although my initial making everything private bit did involve some jerks (a jerk?) who have big mouths, most of it was just a matter of closing ranks and making things private so that I can work on healing. It's almost as if God himself pulled the rug out from under me for a while so that I can be quiet enough to hear his voice.

Thank you for always being so encouraging.

As for Mr (?) Anonymous up there who remembers someone referring to me as "effervescent"... I lied. I couldn't leave well enough alone. Alas, you obviously DO know me too well. :) Which, if you're who I think you are, surprises me...because I would have NEVER in a million bajillion years guessed that you read my blog or "knew" me...not this many years later anyways.

So...going out on a limb here. I sorted through every possible person that it could be. I poured through every person that could have been around to know the whole "effervescent" thing. It happened at work...I know WHERE I worked...I know who all worked WITH me at that point in time. Everyone that I would ever guess would be interested in my life these days would be WAYYYY too shy to EVER leave a comment like that for me. So I started looking at other people...a couple guys who could care less about a dumb old blog, a few ex-boyfriends... and then YOU. At least, I think you. Then it all made PERFECT sense! OF COURSE you would write something like this. It sounds just like you! But I never ever ever ever dreamed you would be reading my blog OR commenting. EVER. Okay, let me give some clues so you can tell me if I'm right or not....
One time, you stood on the other side of the counter watching me intently as I had a goodnight conversation on the phone with my kids. I didn't even notice until I hung up and saw that you had been staring at me with this enchanted (yes it was!) smile on your face and you said, "I love you..." lol Not in a I-want-to-screw-your-brains-out kind of way, but in a I-so-appreciate-you-as-a-human-being kind of way. Do you remember that? :)

I worked agency at your new hospital one time and you came and found me and introduced me to all of your new coworkers and then we got chips out of the vending machine. lol (the dumb things we remember, huh?)

AND... I would be telling you all this in private, except you DELETED ME from your myspace friends a few years ago in a "only closest of the close can stay" "privacy" thing you were going through. Remember THAT? :\ OH!!!! Yes my friend, I went there.

So, am I completely out in left field here? I know I'm not crazy. I have a gift for this kind of thing...I know, I should go into business or something...I just choose to use my powers for good vs. evil. ;)
Anonymous said…
Shit you're good. :) I should have just let you think you were wrong in order to bust you down a few pegs! And although I had forgotten about telling you I loved you, I remembered as soon as you mentioned it. I don't think I had ever seen anyone as awesome and sincere as you were being! And after all the shite you had just been through? Wow. Yeah, you're the shit. And no, it may not have totally been in an "I-want-to-screw-your-brains-out kind of way," but hey...you are kind of sexy. ;) j/k (not about the sexy part though. oh, you know what I mean!)