Back on track

Last night was a long night. We were up hashing and rehashing everything. Negotiating and renegotiating. There has been so much stress and emotion lately as well as some major misunderstandings this week that we weren't taking the time we normally would to talk, reason, empathize and communicate...and all that led up to one huge, catastrophic B'GAWK. lol And that scared me so bad that I was willing to take a step back and rethink everything if need be because I'm so unwilling to take even one step forward if it's an unhealthy step...I'd rather stay right where I am...even if it means staying where I am alone.

Thank God that things got worked out. When it came down to it, Scott showed me that he really is a good man. Believe me, he has issues...just like I do. We are so much alike that everything that drives me crazy about him is what I want to change about myself...and vice-versa. Luckily at the end of the day, I have a man who loves me and is willing to keep God in the middle of it and work things out. I've never had that before and I've prayed so hard for it...and while it's so nice to have, it's all new to me and so I can be just as much to blame as he is. I've been praying for a long time for the Holy Spirit to show me everything that's wrong with me and then fix it. Well trust me...God answers prayers! lol Because he has been faithfully showing me every area that needs fixed....and that's painful! And I'd much rather go through all of this before the wedding vs. after. I want to be SURE. And last night showed me that I am.

On a side note, today is the one-year anniversary of my dad's death...which is another thing that's been on my mind. I've been kind of sad thinking about it and don't even have the time to get to visit his gravesite. Oh well, at least I can be assured that he's not there....he's in heaven (woohoo!). :) I'll just drop a prayer and ask God to give him a hug for me. :)