8.07.2006

Am I a thermostat or a thermometer?


I think being misunderstood is one of the worst feelings in the whole world...if not the worst. To do something or say something and have someone totally take it wrong or attack you and all you want to do is scream "but you don't know what you're talking about", or "wait! you misunderstood me." At least to me, down at the very root of it, it's a real shame-based situation. Some people could care less if they're misunderstood...they just think, "I could care less what people think." But I do...I care. When I am misunderstood it usually catches me off-guard and I'm left thinking, "why did they get it wrong? what impression have I been giving them?" And it bothers me big time. It's really important to me for those around me to know who I am...and for me to affect others...not be effected by them.

Tonight I ran into a situation...albeit a very mild and no-big-deal situation...but still it was something that made me take notice and check myself. I need to get back into balance. I was sitting there watching tv...one of the few shows that I record through the week. I usually only watch maybe one or two shows a day max. Actually, I usually save those one or two shows and just sit down for a good while once or twice a week. I never watch tv. Well, I never did until Scott came to good old "E-town" that is. I've been watching alot more just so I can be around him while he's watching it, etc. So tonight I'm watching tv (and it happens to be a show he doesn't care for) and he says "I can't wait to get another tv over here so I can watch something I like...you and your reality shows!" I looked at him and said "one of the few shows I watch...I only watch maybe a show or two a day and you're giving me grief about it?" He rolls his eyes and laughs while he says "WHATEVER!" That little comment bothered me soooo bad! Not because I'm overly sensitive but because I was thinking that I haven't been showing him the real me. Oh he knows the real me well-enough...but even that one factor about me being wrong bothered me. I have been watching more tv....because of him. And if someone asked him today if I am a tv watcher or not...he'd say yes...because that's what he's seen.

So after my show was done I got up and I started doing what I normally do. I cleaned up, I read a little bit... I'M BLOGGING (which I haven't done lately because TV DOESN'T INSPIRE ME! lol). As I walked through the living room he looked at me and said "are you ok? You're just all over the place cleaning and stuff." I responded..."I'm just doing what I normally do." And it was the truth. Not meaning it in any kind of a negative or snotty way...just realizing that I need to stay true to myself no matter what the situation or who I'm around.



I need to be a thermostat...not a thermometer.


You see, thermometers simply read what environment they're in. If it's cold...they get colder. If it's hot...they get hotter. The adjust to their climate. A thermostat however, says "this is what I am and if the temperature's not right in here, I'm going to affect change." It doesn't change for the environment...it stays true to itself. And it's a calming influence too. It can cool down a heated environment and it can bring heat where things are cooling down. Let me tell you, I can see a thousand thermometers telling me how hot it is this season...I'm not thanking God for them! What I am thanking God for however, is the thermostat that can tell how hot it is and kicks on the a.c.!!!

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