A woman's heart....
Porn. I hate the stuff. And whether or not they admit it, I believe most women do too.
I was just glancing through my google reader list, and I saw the first (maybe only?) line of a blog that I often read saying that she found her husband's secret stash today and apparently he likes redheads.
My heart pained for her when I read that because I know what that feels like. Even if she would deny it and try to play if off as if it didn't really bother her, I know that it did. She wouldn't have written that blog if it didn't.
I always reference one of my favorite books, Do You Think I'm Beautiful by Angela Thomas where she says that in the heart of every woman beats that question.... do you think I'm beautiful? That's what influences every word, action, wardrobe choice or hairstyle that she has. The heart of a woman craves acceptance, love and loyalty and every action that the man in her life chooses to make either reinforces that he thinks she is beautiful or it works to strike against her self-esteem by planting the suggestions that old shame-monster likes to whisper in our ears like, "Maybe he doesn't think you're beautiful anymore. Maybe he likes her better."
When a man has chosen a woman, he has an obligation on a daily basis to calm the questions in her heart and to reinforce his loyalty to her. I've heard it said, "If you want to know the spiritual state of a man, look in the eyes of his woman." There is so much truth to that because if a man is centered and grounded and has a compassionate, loving, committed heart for his mate, she knows it and feels it and her eyes will reflect that. When a man chooses to ogle other women in the presence of his partner or when she finds out he's been looking at pornography, the light in her eyes dims. Her sense of security and of beauty take a hit. I wish men would learn this. Instead, most of them make excuses that they're not dead yet, or it doesn't hurt to look. It does. It does hurt.
Although I have been there in the past, I would never again in this earthly life be with a man who I knew looked at porn. I know what you're all thinking.... "they ALLLLLLL look at porn and they're lying if they say they don't!" I used to believe that too, but I don't anymore. I think the men that don't are rare, but they do exist. And the one's who look at porn or would have a "secret stash" that their women could stumble across are the ones who are not worthy of my time or life.
I feel bad for her.
lurve you, xoxo v.