Sometimes I wonder if I'm supposed to be single. Maybe I'm not the marryin' kind. Then I think, nahhhh, that's ridiculous! Even Carrie Bradshaw ended up being the marryin' kind in the end. I don't know though. Maybe I'm just a spoiled brat and I need to snap out of it. Nah, that can't be it either.
Truth is, I'm struggling in some areas since Paul moved in. I've had to realize that some of the issues are my own. The whole boundary thing , you know? I mean, once I decide to let you in, I let you ALL in. I let you have all-access. What's mine is yours. Know what happens then? I get irritated that people are all up in my shit. That they're acting like what's mine is theirs. Yeah, I find myself all tense and motionless, only my eyes moving, tracking people around the room watching them making themselves at home in what is actually MY home and being secretly pissed off. Maybe that's all a little strong, it's not really that bad. Or maybe I just don't want to admit I can sometimes be a bitch. No, no. That's not right. I'm not a bitch. Perhaps I just have some bitch-like qualities at times. I'm kind of a bitch lite.
See, Paul has been a great room mate so far. He has been kind (for the most part), generous, helpful. He cooks dinner every day. He has let me have my way as far as getting new bedding (he has a weird affinity for this raggedy old comforter), etc etc. And here I am all I can't find anything in my pantry, you took a cupboard AND a drawer in my bathroom, you never buy the cereal I like! Ugh. Don't get me wrong, these are only things that happen in my head AND Paul isn't perfect, but I don't even like being bitchy and stingey in my head. How do I learn to share my space with someone graciously vs. spend the rest of my life alone so that I can have it all to myself?
My newest mantra has been to breathe in and breathe out while repeating "compromise, compromise, let it happen, let it happen....." *He put his carved bear that is holding a welcome sign right in front of my house. Right where everyone in the free world can see it and assume I'm a hillbilly* "COMPROMISE, COMPROMISE, LET IT HAPPEN, LET IT HAPPEN....."
lurve you, xoxo v.