10.26.2007

In my other life


In my other life I am surrounded by wonder and dreaminess. In my other life I have a perfect figure and get dressed up in beautiful, flawless gowns with beautiful hair and go to dance halls. It's at these clubs that I am the most wonderful conversationalist. I talk over world affairs, religion and politics with the cultured people at my table while sipping champagne and never smearing my lipstick. Women wear dresses and men wear suits...and hats. They all find me irresistably charming and as the laughter lingers after a funny little joke I tell without ever screwing up the punchline, the prince charming that is at my side holds his hand out to me. I take his hand and we swirl dreamily around the dance floor. In my other life I'm a wonderful dancer. I'm as light on my feet as anyone has ever seen. I know all the steps to float across the floor and twirl like a ballerina under his hand. The big band plays in the background...beautiful melodies that make me swoon. I can feel the brass section vibrating through my heart and soul as I look into the dark eyes of the beautiful, good-smelling man with perfect posture who is holding me in his arms.

In my other life romance is real. Times can be hard and trouble well-felt, but the music can take it all away. In my other life I am a princess in my own fairy tale. At least that's what I feel whenever I listen to "my music". The sounds, the smells, the colors....it's as real to me as if I had been standing there yesterday. Knowing I couldn't have been I talk to God about this all the time. I ask him how I have memories that I don't have? How do I have a nostalgia for someplace I've never been? The best that I can come up with is that when I was still up in Heaven, my Father knew how much I would love that era...so like a mother who lets her little girls play dress-up and make believe with her pearls and high-heels my Heavenly Father let me lay dreamily on my belly with my knees bent and hand under my chin while he pulled the clouds back for me and let me take it all in. Like a child who sneaks out of bed and secretly peeks out at the party his parents are having and dreams of being one of the growns ups...that's how I experienced the 20's, 30's and 40's. I must've lived it like a fairy tale from a distance....living it but not living it. Dreaming away my days in heaven...imagining the moment that my dad would finally let me go to the party.

In my other life I'm living my dream. In my real life I'm sitting here in my nightgown and underwear drinking some coffee from the coffee beanery and listening to my husband's off-key voice singing 80's music. *cynical stare*

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