11.11.2007

Into the blue

Come on baby lets get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
Theres a chill in my bones
I dont want to be left alone

So baby you can sleep while I drive
Ill pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket Ill carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive

Well go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says were welcome to stay
Ill buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams

You know Ive seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
Youve been looking for something
Thats not in your life
My intentions are true
Wont you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive

Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover youre free
Cant you get that with me

Come on baby lets get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you wont take me with you
Ill go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



My tears are burning my face. Oh how I wish things could be different. The girls are finally sleeping so now it's ok to be sad. And oh God how I'm so sad.

It's my anniversary. Officially my anniversary. This scene is so damn familiar to me... alone. Man gone. Belongings still sitting here as if the rapture came and stole him away. My intentions were so true. All I ever wanted was an ordinary life. Just an ordinary, even-keeled, faithful, loyal, God-serving life. I don't even need everything on my wish-list...just some of it. A friend lovingly pointed out my pattern with men today. I know it was meant in love, but it sucks to know that the one place I've struggled and tried so hard is the place I've been so unsuccessful at.
I know the pressure of the whole effin' world is on my shoulders to push him away, but for tonight. For just this moment in time I'm allowing myself to love him. To mourn the loss of what I thought would be and what I want so bad.

I wish we could just escape and get out of this town. My "dream man" and me....because I know that my "dream husband" and my real husband are two different things. He's in such a bad place. Even if he never is in my bed again I still want to see him better. I don't think he's ever, in his whole life, been "better". From the looks and sounds of it he's always been troubled. I want to see him better. He's not even close to the person I came to know and grew to love...he's gone into the blue. That blue place of depression. I've been there myself but I don't remember seeing anyone else there. I wish "blue" was like a country...a place that you could go to and find someone. Because if blue was a place, I would go there and find you. I would wrap myself around you and whisper how loved you are in your ears. And then I would bring you home again.

Happy Anniversary my love.... I wish you could be here.

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