Everything is a lesson...

Everything in this life is a lesson.  Every situation we experience is an opportunity to either learn something new or to practice what we've already learned.  And sometimes, after we think we've learned the lesson, we are given little opportunities to show that we truly have learned.

I think that's what this little couple of months experience with David was for me.  He was never meant to be my person.  He is a great person, don't get me wrong.  I did like him (and do).  But he's not my person.  He was, however, a great opportunity to practice. Like a warm-up for the real event.

So, what did I learn from this?  That has been the question I've been asking since it started turning weird.  What am I supposed to be learning from this?  I came up with a few things.  And I'm sure more things will be revealed to me as time goes on.

1.  I was reminded that I am a person that leads with her heart, and I am okay with that.  Plenty of people judge me for this and frankly, their judgment isn't welcome.  This is how I was created and I do nothing but honor who I am when I lead with my heart.  I do give plenty of chances.  And I do let some things slide that most other people wouldn't.  I do give it a nice long time for things to play out before walking away.  I am full of forgiveness and that's a beautiful thing.

2.  This is a follow-up on #1.  I began to get resentful and angry about giving chance after chance.  Then, my guides reminded me of a situation and some advice I overheard in my past, and it changed my whole perspective.  I was reminded that it is my choice to stay or to leave.  So, if I choose to stay, do it with a happy heart.  And then when it is no longer good to stay, I can walk away.  There is no need to carry around anger and blame.  Know where my boundaries lie, and be okay with things the way they are.  Now, I acknowledge that some people have very strict, tight boundaries, and mine are more lax and wide, but that's okay with me too.  That's how I am comfortable living.  The key for me is to keep a happy heart and not fall into the trap of blaming and anger.  THAT is the difference and that is the lesson.

3.  It was reinforced to me that I am a person who NEEDS communication and quality time.  I need a man who will answer my calls, return my texts and spend time with me.  I don't need someone who is CONSTANTLY up my ass, but good morning and goodnight texts as well as a few texts through the day.  A call in the evening, and seeing each other at least once or twice a week.  Yes, those things are mandatory for me.  When we would see each other, all the pieces fell into place. It is wonderful.  I enjoyed time with him so much.  But he doesn't place much value on the in-between.  And it's in the in-between that the plug on my love tank would get pulled and all of the good stuff would quickly drain out so that by the time we would see each other again I would be empty and thinking of him with more of a side-eye than a happy face.

4.  I learned that I'm a person that has a need to give to my partner and to make space for them, but that I can, at times, give too much.  This ties into #1 and 2.  I have to be mindful of where the line between just right and too much falls.  My head and my heart need to be on the same page.  And when they start parting ways, I need to be aware of it and still be guided by my heart, but listen to what my head is saying about red flags and whatnot.  As I like to say, you have to meet people where they are, but sometimes you have to leave them there.

5.  I was reminded of the all-too-common lesson of: even if you like someone, it doesn't mean they are right for you.

6.  It was confirmed for me that I need a MAN.  An actual man.  I am a very strong person by nature.  And I'm not saying that a man shouldn't be vulnerable or emotional, because that's crap.  I actually need a man that can be both of those things.  But what I am saying is that if he is a man who crumbles under every single tough decision, bit of stress, or emotional thing, then that person is not for me.  I can't be the one taking care of him and nursing his fragile man emotions all the time.  Yuck.  No way.  I need someone at least as strong as me.  I need a man that makes me feel safe, secure and taken care of.  I need someone who can still function even when he's going through shit.  This also ties into #3 because if I have a fragile partner that goes radio silent every time he's "going through something"?  Fuck that.  I need someone who I can depend on to answer my call or text me back.  Life still goes on even when we are "going through stuff."

7.  I need someone who values honesty and transparency.  I don't like being lied to or toyed with. 

Anyways, overall I think I did pretty good.  I snapped at him a few times and made some sarcastic remarks, but I never really lost my shit on him.  He might think I did, but he has no idea what COULD have happened.  *side whisper*...I used to have a bit of a temper...   I learned some lessons, had some fun, and had a nice little reprieve from the longggggg snap of singledom that I have been going through.

But it appears that it's done now.  And I'm also okay with that. 



XO, Veronica