4.28.2010

Putting Humpty Dumpty together again


Hi.  Thought I'd pop in for a little update.  I was disappointed last week because I couldn't make it to my first day of therapy since everyone in the house was so sick.  We did manage to go on vacation, but honestly I was SO tired from being sick all week that I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have.  I think the girls did though. 

None of us are thrilled about being back and in the daily grind again, but at least I finally got to go to my first therapy session today.  Initial opinion?  "Complex post traumatic stress disorder with multiple losses and traumas."  Nothing I didn't already suspect & haven't joked about for years, but it has a slightly different ring to it when it comes out of someone mouth that has any kind of authority.  A lot of things make more sense now.  Like the way I act or react to certain things.  I've been reading a lot about it today & so much of it applies.  "Hypervigilance" is definitely one of the things that caught my eye.  I've been told that I shouldn't sit expecting something bad to happen because then it's guaranteed to happen & I would argue that I'm not expecting it to happen, but I've been sucker punched enough times to not be looking for the punches now.  The one site I was reading says that with CPTSD, the person is hypervigilant, not paranoid (BIG difference) & that the person doesn't know if something's going to hurt them, they are merely constantly scanning the horizon just in case there is danger.  So true, so true.

Anyways, hopefully the label and the acknowledgement is the first step towards getting it all fixed, pretty & shiny again.  We'll see.
xoxo veronica

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