What's coming will come...

Sometimes the things you believe is put to the test.  It becomes time to put up or shut up.  Walk the talk.  Put your money where your mouth is.

I believe that everything happens for a reason...even the bad stuff. I believe that we all have our own path to walk.  I believe that God is in ultimate control of everything.  I believe that we are always exactly where we are supposed to be.  Even when we exert our free will and get off of the path that is meant for us, God will redeem the path and get us back on track eventually.  I believe that what is meant for us will not miss us.  And most importantly, I believe that, in the wise words of Julian of Norwich, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

It's all going to be okay.  Even when it seems like nothing is okay, it is all okay.  It is all according to plan and there is a reason for it.  Even in the midst of tragedy.  Even when your child is intent on wanting to take her own life.  Even then.

I was once told that I don't ride the quake, I try to control it.  But in the past few years, I have pretty much released that control and I've learned to (for the most part) ride the quake.  Each of my children have had their own struggles.  But this one?  She is as intent on hurting herself as any person I have every met.  She seems to have zero regard for self-preservation.  And she drags her family along on this nightmare ride of hers.

I love her and will continue to be there for her, but I no longer let it run my life or consume my life.  I have had to find a place within myself that is peaceful, even in the midst of the nightmare.  I've come to the point where I have accepted that at some point I may need to bury one or more of my children because of suicide or as a result of their reckless behavior.  It just is what it is.  And if it doesn't come to that?  Great.

There is a whole great universe out there and I have the ability to control a piece about the size of a quarter.  So, I focus on my quarter-sized piece and pray for the rest and then release it.  I can't fix another person.  They have to want it.  There is a reason she is going through these struggles.  And there is a reason that every one of her attempts fail.  God has a bigger plan for this and will give her a time to use that testimony to help others.  But I cannot control the quake.  I can observe and I can offer help in the midst of it.  But I cannot control it.  I am releasing to whatever will be, and I have to trust that whatever comes in the future that God's hand is in the midst of it.

XO, Veronica