Come back to center...

I've been feeling a little off at times lately.  Nothing I can articulate, just not quite myself.  Maybe a little more testy, a little quicker to snap at people or roll my eyes...lower energy.

Today I noticed it again, but what was different was that I noticed when it started.  I've been talking more lately about my past.  Particularly about my PTSD and the ways that I would get triggered.  Recounting this situation or that, and ways that I would snap, or reactions I would have.

Today I noticed that empathically, I could feel my energy drain out of my body like I pulled the plug out of a drain.  I went from happy and smiling to a flatter affect, and slightly more agitated for the rest of the day.  This red flag got my attention.

For a long time, I haven't talked much about how reactive I could get when I was triggered.  It's not that I repress it or stuff it down, because I fully own what I've been through and ways that I have behaved. But, I have no need to talk about it anymore.   And I would say that my PTSD is about 98% cured, so I really don't get triggered too often these days. 

But here's the thing, energy is energy.  It doesn't matter if something happened in the past, is currently happening, or is just a daydream about a possible scenario...our mind and bodies don't know the difference.  All it knows is that you are experiencing a certain energy (whether negative or positive), and your body/energy levels react accordingly. 

What this means is that simply by recounting past experiences, my body and energy levels were reverting back to the low vibrations of those situations, and that did NOT feel good.  Since I've been meditating one thing I know for sure is that higher vibrations feel better than lower vibrations any day.  I don't like going back to those dark times.  Because believe me, those were some dark times.

So I think what I need to do in the future is to stay in the moment.  Duh.  Sounds simple, but it's pretty easy to forget.  In this moment, my life is beautiful and peaceful.  In this moment, There is no danger in my life and no threat to my safety or the safety of my children.  In this moment, I have been given victory over the traumas of the past.  And in this moment, I know that I am a loved, protected, and provided-for child of God.  I love, and am one with everyone.  Sounds sappy, but that is my reality in this moment.   

That is who I am.  I don't have to look back because I am not going that way.  And any time I forget, I will simply come back to center.

XO, Veronica