From bad to worse

I thought I had side effects.  Today I realized it can always get worse.  Early this morning, I realized right away that I was going to have to make friends with the nausea.  At the house of my first patient of the day, she was upstairs in the bedroom, and normally that's not a big deal because I jog up and down peoples stairs all day when I work.  Today however, by the time I reached the top of the stairs, I had broken out in a major cold sweat and was so short of breath I could hardly speak.  I tried to put my game face on, but today that didn't work so well.

Every house after that it got worse and worse.  I was so woozy and dizzy and sweating profusely.  I almost passed out right on top of two of these unlucky people today.  By the time I left the last house of the day, the only thing that got me through it was fervent prayer.  "Lord, please don't let me pass out.  Please just get me home.  Please just get me to my car.  Please don't let me ever get fired for being sick.  Just get me out of here please, please, please."

By the time I got to my car, I literally fell into the seat, pulled the door shut and slammed the lock down (safety first, even when you're dying!).  I laid there panting and sweating and thinking (literally) that I might be dying.  My ears were ringing and my hearing was dimmed like I was in a tunnel.  I called Paul and could hardly speak.  I wouldn't say I was confused, but I couldn't get the words out and it was hard to make a coherent sentence.  It was like my sugar was rock-bottom, and probably my blood pressure.  My hands were shaking so bad I could hardly hold my keys.

It was ridiculous and there's no way I should have driven home.  (Slapping self in forehead *stupid stupid stupid*)  I slowly got home and had big-time trouble trying to get the front door open, because my hands were shaking too bad to get the key in the door.  I was determined though, because I had nightmares of faceplanting in my front yard and having my kids find me there.  Yeah, not happening on my watch.  I ate a little something, laid down, and slowly came back to life.  Kind of.  I'm not totally better... still woozy, stomach pain, nausea, etc.  But I'm a whole lot better than earlier.  Earlier scared the shit out of me.  I did not like earlier.

lurve you, xoxo v.