Battle scars...

Yesterday I was driving and reflecting on life and my recent life changes.  As we often do (especially us women), my mind started to veer more toward the shame route where I was beating myself up a little bit.  I began thinking about what an unhealthy coping mechanism food was and if I had never given into the temptation, I wouldn't be in my current situation.

My mind was silent for a moment and then I had a huge ah-ha moment.  Of course I fucking used food as a coping mechanism!  Do you know the things I have gone through and endured in my life?  I could list them out, but if you've been reading my blogs for any length of time then you pretty much know. 

Listen, any ONE of those things is enough to send most people searching for something to numb the pain!  Unless you're super-human, going through trauma (especially several traumas) will make you want to numb the pain until you can work through it.  To judge someone for self-soothing is like asking them to have major surgery with no anesthesia.  It's just not happening.

After reflecting on that thought for a bit, I smiled and said to myself, "You are a fucking beast!  You are a BOSS bitch!  Look at the battles you have come through and are now standing on the other side of!  You are a Queen.  No other way to look at it.  I'm proud of you for coming through so intact and keeping such a beautiful outlook on life.  You did it and I love you."

I'm grateful that all I did was have an issue with weight after all of that!  I could have turned to drinking, drugs, or suicide.  Food was my drug of choice.  But I am safe now.  I am healthy and healed.  I no longer need to medicate and to soothe.  I'm okay.  So now it is safe to release all of that and make healthier choices.

I will never judge myself for my weight and and for how it got there.  I was doing the best that I could with some pretty awful situations over the years.  My weight and my stretch marks are my battle scars.

And you shouldn't judge yourself either.  What would love do?  Love would have us treat ourselves with tenderness and infinite compassion.  Because we are worthy of that. 

XO, Veronica