Well deserved...

I've been talking to someone for a few weeks now.  We've gone on two dates.  Know what I'm remembering?  That I have some well-deserved fears of commitment and trust.

I notice everything good and wonderful that he does.  And I notice everything he doesn't do.  I'm reading into everything and I'm analyzing way too much.  I haven't been that person for many years, but here she is.  And I'm nearly laying on the floor in a fetal position repeating, "Nope.  I'm going to get hurt.  Nope.  He's going to hurt me...".

Anyone who knows all that I have been through in the past would understand why those issues are well-deserved.  The thing is that I can't just live with them forever.  They need to heal.  Guess they're not healed yet though.  Because here I am. 

I'm his to keep or his to lose...but my tennis shoes are on and I'm ready to run.  One false move and I will spook completely.  He'd better be careful.  And despite being told that, I don't know that he gets it.  I don't know that he will be as careful as he needs to be.  I hope he is.  But I don't trust that either.

Fragile.  Vulnerable.  Terrified.  Suspicious.

XO, Veronica