Just Write: Whooshing....

The headaches they roll on.  Always some state of headache.  And even when the headache is not there, the whooshiness is.  That's what I call it.... "whooshing."  That's what my brain feels like.  The room doesn't spin, but my brain feels like it's doing the hula.

I've missed six days of work now.  Unpaid, of course, because I have no sick days left after everything else that has happened in the past year.  I'm trying not to stress out about it too much though, because it'll all work out.  It has to, there are no other options.

Certain things I eat make it worse, but it never fully goes away.  The other night I woke up at 3:30 in the morning (just like the first night) with overwhelming nausea and room tipping sensations.  I took some medicine and tried to ride the wave until everything subsided.  In the hospital, they medicated me to the hilt in order to make me sleep.  They said that sleep is what would help.  So last night I decided to try the same thing.  I took a big valium, my ambien, and neurontin.  I know most people wouldn't be afraid of this, but I am.  I'm not a pill taker and certainly never mix pills like that.  But last night I was desperate.  Sleep.  That was the word of the night.  So, I took my three-pill cocktail, all the while praying, "Lord, please don't let this Anna-Nichole-Smith me or Michael-Jackson me.  Please don't let me die tonight."  I'd hear back in my gut, "You have given patients way more than this at one time, you'll be fine."  And I'd respond, "Still, please don't let me die from an overdose."  Then God simply said back, "Okay."

With that I felt Paul's strong arm reach over and pull me close into the nook.  He kissed the top of my head before drifting off into dreamland and I did the same.  Sweet, deep sleep that may have helped my head a bit.  I still woke up all whooshy, but not in horrible distress.  And I didn't die, which is always a plus.

lurve you, xoxo v.

This was written to connect with the Just Write project from The Extraordinary Ordinary