Guest Post.... My friend, my best friend...but she will always be my baby girl

I was asked by my good friend Veronica to write a blog so she can put it on her page as a guest blog. Something different, to mix it up. Well, so that we are clear, I am a pretty boring person. Nothing exciting happens in my life and I did not win the big Mega Millions Lotto; call me an Eyore, but I was really hoping I would be a winner and have a reason to change myself in a richer way. Maybe I'm selfish, but dangit, I'd like to shop without boundaries. Travel the world. Have a huge house so that when I text my kids or husband, it takes them 3 flight of stairs or an entire wing for them to walk to fetch me an ice cold Coke Zero instead of the next room. It would've been nice to be able to afford a maid, a cook, a trainer and have a guest house for well, my poor friends. Broken dreams. Sigh. Life is rough. Lol. Not really, I'm generally a happy person, grateful for what I have and enjoy laughing whenever possible. So I pondered on what to blog about. I have nothing. I started thinking of my life, ehhh. Nothing I'd want to share for the million-th time. What about my current condition, ya know, my aching back, my MRI showing a herniated disc that has been killing me since November, leaving me crippled and in bed (couch) daily. Thank God I'm unemployed! But I have found out since I started complaining that, *gasp* EVERYONE has back problems, they just don't complain about it or share on facebook with all their 778 close friends. So much for being special, ha ha.

I started thinking about my daily life and one thing came to light. I have spent a lot of my unemployed days with my 20 year old daughter. I started thinking, is it because she's available,or because I don't take "no" lightly or is it because she feels sorry for me because I have no close friends that have time for me because they're all employed, busy with kids and husbands and the single ones are busy with their neices and nephews and work. Lol, I asked her and she said it was because she loves me and I was fun. sniff sniff. Really? *inner tears building up, trying to keep em' in*. I wanted to hug her, squeeze her and call her my Squishy! Lol. She works part time as a CNA, has a boyfriend and goes to community college getting her prereq's out of the way so she can apply for nursing school one day and become a pediatric nurse. Needless to say, I am so proud of her. She is motivated and tries hard. She's a happy girl and although she has friends, she don't spend a lot of time with them because they all are in the same boat (work/college/boyfriend). They try to make time for each other, but we all know in the real world, that can be hard. So her weekends are boyfriend and "others" time. "Others" being his twin brother who since they were 12 has been a permanent 3rd wheel in their relationship and is quite happy with it weather they like it or not. LOL. Different story, different time. 
My daughter has a name. It's Jessica. lol (in case you're wondering). She was born in FT Polk, LA back in Feb, 1992 where my high school sweetheart that I married straight out of high school was stationed in the US Army. He has a name too, Mike :) That is where I met Veronica. We became instant besties. Different story, different time, but just for the record, Veronica was God sent in my life! Jessica was born with bleeding in her brain and me at the young age of 20, away from family and so naive and scared, I was a mom to a baby who may or may not have permanent brain damage or physical damage (worse, could have died). I was so young, scared and did not know what I was doing. I was a new mom. I didn't have experience and I didn't think my mother's intuition would be valuable. Well, I did a good job getting by (to say the least) and I remember being emotional, yet it didn't break me and I was positive, yet didn't recognize the severity of it all. All I know is I loved this beautiful big brown eyed baby girl that God gave me and we were going to make it no matter what. Jessica's brain stopped bleeding and left her ventricles blocked from the bleeding so she needed a VP Shunt. It was a latex tube that went from her brain to her stomach to drain her cerebral water, otherwise it would keep accumulating in her brain with no where to go and it would crush her brain and kill her (remember back in the old days, water head babies)? So a VP Shunt is what she would need for the rest of her life. Neuro's and other specialists always told me as long as the shunt worked, and she developed normal, she'd be normal and didn't require special treatment or worry. So we listened and lived like normal and she developed perfectly mentally and physically. At age 17 Jessica's shunt from babyhood went bad and she had a 2-year bout of hospitalizations, re-installments, infections, adjustments, just all out HELL. She went through so much pain and her body just didn't want to accept her new shunts and was an ongoing issue. This time, it almost broke me. But we survived. I know for a fact it brought our close relationship even closer as I spent every waking moment with her in and out of the hospital, taking care of her, praying, just loving her and knowing my heart couldn't handle seeing her in pain and her pain was mine. I pray God lets this new shunt works for the next 100 years, I don't think it's fair she has to go through so much hell should this happen again. My nerves might just kill me from stress next time :( 
We've always been close as far as a normal mommy/daughter relationship could be. I had her baby brother when she was 8 and she wasn't happy it was a boy! Lol, but she got over it quickly and fell in love with her little brother Jeremiah and took good care of him. They have a very close bond, she protects him and he adores her. He's getting older and is catching up to her quickly (mentally and physically) lol, she's short so catching up to her wasn't hard at age 11, and he's a genius as far as smarts is concerned. Two beautiful good kids. Thank you, God!!! whew (he knew I couldn't handle bad kids, I have zero patience) ha ha.
Growing up with 3 brothers and poor, not dirt poor, but poor enough that when the ice cream truck came around our neighborhood, we knew better than to ask our parents for money. Once in a blue moon we'd scrape up a quarter each and would be able to get a 25 cent twin pop. That would be a good day :) As an adult and both Mike and I have worked, we don't consider ourselves poor, but not rich by all means! We're comfortable and able to buy an ice cream for each our kids if they want it. I tend to spoil them and buy them whatever they want (within reason) and it's probably because I  didn't have a lot growing up. I'm all about them and take them places like the movies, theme parks, zoos, museums, restaurants. Everything I never got to do as a kid. I also enjoy being a traditional mom, one that bakes gobs of cookies for Christmas, buys the kids and even Mike Easter baskets every year filled with treats, go all out for birthday parties, proms, sports events and just about anything and everything. I enjoy seeing them happy and I know how important it is to create these memories for them so they can carry it on into their adulthood. I want to be known as the mom that loved them, did things with them and always made time for them no matter what life threw at us. 
Now that Jeremiah is 11, and probably smarter than me, he's a busy boy with sports and video games. He's by no means a "mama's boy". He's all about Dad. He's with him all the time and is becoming more like him every day. Jessica is busy with mostly school, some work and her boyfriend. Me? I'm a pathetic unemployed mom who wishes I had a friend to go to movies with during the day. Maybe lunch. Shopping would be nice. Lol, I know, I know, I live a rough life! So when Jess isn't at work (which she only works every other weekend), or with her bf (every weekend) or at school (only twice a week all day), she's hanging around the house with me. We like all the same reality shows and I DVR everything! So we'll hang out all the time, watching Celebrity Apprentice, Survivor, American Idol, Ice loves CoCo, Khloe loves Lamar, X-Factor, Big Brother, the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, Little House on the Prairie(LOL), just any and everything! We go shopping together, to lunch (mostly the Olive Garden), waiters and waitressess all know us by name there, movies once in a while and visit my mom or my aunt or whoever. She's always up for anything if I ask. She's a sweet girl and our conversations over the years have changed from me doing all the talking and the "you better not" or "I hope you don't" to us talking, actually talking about goals, life, funny stories. 
She has always been my daughter, and always will, but over the years became my friend. Someone I can count on. Someone I can talk to. Cry to, complain to (about me instead of her), and I've even asked for her advice instead of always being the other way around. My little 4'11'' baby girl has matured into a woman. She's my friend, my best friend...but she will always be my baby girl. And I am lucky to have her. Truly lucky <3 

1 comment:

Allison said...

I loved your blog post, Belle!! Thank you for taking the time to write it. It really helped me to understand you even more :) Praise God for all that He has done in Jessica's life. She truly is a miracle!! :)

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