Guest Post.... For This Child We Prayed

I Samuel 1:27

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD 
has granted me what I asked of him."
One of the questions children are most often asked is, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  and for as long as I can remember my answer was always, "I wanna be a mommy.  That's it.  Just a mommy"--I never thought it would take 33 years before it happened, but all is perfect in God's timing and this was no exception.  My husband and I welcomed our perfect little baby boy, Cameron Michael into the world on January 16, 2012.  I've only been on this journey of motherhood for 11 short weeks and though it hasn't been without difficulties it has proven to be even more amazing than I dreamed. 
I don't think anything can prepare you for the demands of caring for a newborn.  I'm always tired, and sometimes it's hard to find time to shower or eat a sandwich!  I struggle with the days that he fusses and it seems nothing can please him because it makes me feel like I'm just not good at this.  I miss the freedom of hopping into my car on a cool spring night and going for a drive and making it through the day without getting pee or spit up on me--But there isn't one thing I miss that compares to all the slobbery kisses, the big gummy grins, the coos or late night cuddles or at 2 am when I feed my son and he falls asleep peacefully in my arms.  I'm pretty sure I could hold him my arms, where I know he's safe, forever.  
I wanted to start a series of "love letters" to Cameron.  I actually had the idea before I was ever pregnant and so the morning I found out I was pregnant I began writing to him.  I wrote him throughout my pregnancy and plan to do so every year on his birthday.  My goal is to make the letters into a book and give it to him when he turns 21.   I want my son to have something he can open at any time and be reminded of my love for him. 
Here is the letter I wrote him the day I found out I was pregnant followed by the one I wrote the day he was born....:)
 Tuesday-May 10, 2011

At 4:45 am this morning your daddy and I found out we were pregnant with you. I saw the test turn positive and couldn't stop smiling- though I was in shock. We hadn't been trying very long and I had medical issues too so we thought it might be a while before you surprised us! But God had other plans...I'm a little scared though. I've wanted to be a mommy since I was a little girl. I've dreamed of this moment for so long that I'm scared it's not real. But it  IS real and in spite of my fear, I'm beyond happy and blessed and can't wait to be your mom. I can't wait to meet you!! crazy that I already love you.....!
January 17, 2012
I can't believe you're here!! Yesterday at 9:17 pm you came out to meet your daddy and me and a room full of family and friends who love you already!! The most important people in my life were all there! I can't explain the immeasurable joy I feel in my heart that God blessed me with being your mom. I'm gonna pray daily for His love and direction over me as I impact the man you're going to be. You come from great families. We love big and my hope is that you'll feel that love daily. I also pray that in time you'll come to know the Lord. You don't know it yet, but you need Him and your life won't be complete without a relationship with him. I pray I can be an example of that to you. Being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect. In fact it's because we're so incredibly flawed that we need Jesus so know that I'll make lots of mistakes and sadly you'll get the fall out for some of them. But by God's grace I'll try everyday to be the mom you deserve and to be humble enough to admit when I need to do better. God is so good and so're just one of the many fabulous things he's blessed me with that is proof of that.

You're even more perfect than I dreamed. And so desperately wanted! I love you already more than you know. Can't wait to take you home!!

I love you :)
 I still can't believe he's mine.  Lord, you are so good.......


veronica said…
This made me cry. *sniff* What a beautiful idea and what a beautiful boy. I love you both so much. xoxo
Belle said…
one word: beautiful! Your story is wonderful Shawnda, love it, and your baby boy is an absolute cutie!!
Allison said…
So Sweet :)