9.29.2010

Sanctified imagination


I sit staring; transfixed.

I'm fascinated by history,

but it always seems at arms length,

not up close and personal.

Photos in their grainy, sepia forms

are hard to use your sanctified imagination on.

You know, where if you close your eyes,

you can smell the smells, see the light and colors, hear the sounds.


Well, today I came across this website.

IT IS AMAZING.

These are photos that were taken between 1909 - 1912 in Russia.
A special technique was used where 3 black & white prints of the same photo

were taken, and then combined with different red, green & blue 

filters & re-photographed to provide a life like result.

Wow!

That's all I could say.
They are SO lifelike and it's hard to believe that

they were actually taken a hundred years ago.

The colors & textures drew me in & for the first time, maybe ever,

I can fully realize that whether one hundred years ago,

or two-thousand years ago,

grass looked the same, flowers looked the same, dirt looked the same,

sitting by the lake felt & smelled the same.


You should really check out that website and look at these pictures.

I know I'm kind of a dork when it come to this kind of thing,

and that many people are like *yawn*, but I was left in awe.



xoxo veronica

9.25.2010

Here we go again



I always bellyache about how much I hate September.  Most people don't get it, or think I'm exaggerating.  I don't think anyone realizes the impact that this month has on my life.  I wish I understood why, maybe the planets align just so.  Maybe I was born with a certain something in my house or my moon was rising in such a way to make it necessary that every September, the universe cleans house or affects major change in my life.  I don't know the reason, I only know the truth of it.  I. HATE. SEPTEMBER.

Well, this year was no different.  And what kills me is that I can never let my guard down because I can never see the trouble coming ahead of time... it comes SWIFTLY.  Usually a BAM!  Out of nowhere.  For example, yesterday things were fine and then in a number of minutes I can count on my hand, I found myself yelling, "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"  and hanging up the phone, which has led to 24 hours of trouble that lead me to fully believe I will be breaking up with Paul and becoming single again by the end of the weekend.  Maybe even by the end of the day.

You know what's funny?  Just a matter of days ago, I found myself thinking, "you know, what am I waiting for?  He's a good man.  Maybe you should at least move in together.  It would be so good for everyone involved."

HAHAHAHAAHA!  See what happens when I let my guard down?  I turn stupid!  There is ALWAYS another shoe that is going to drop.

BOOM!  Happy?  Not anymore!

Up yours September.

xoxo veronica

**UPDATE**

Okay, so he's going to make it through the weekend.  We'll see what happens.  I'm waiting & seeing.  First step?  He's bringing me food because I made a passing comment that I wanted a cheeseburger.  Yep, I like this making up stuff.

9.23.2010

Truth


xoxo veronica

Just Finished....


The Memory Keeper's Daughter.... 

Okay, so this was better than any of the other books I've read recently,

but still, I found myself bored with it.

Is it ME?  Is there something wrong with me 

that EVERYTHING seems uninteresting lately?

Anyways, this was okay.

It was an interesting look at what happens to people over a lifetime,

and the ripple effects that touch several lives 

from one simple decision....

a decision that no one else even knows about,

but that causes a discernible change in attitude in one person,

which affects everyone around them.

The problem?

Once again, I kept waiting for some big bang of drama,

and it just never came.

Even the dramatic moments were calm.

Alright, so my book reviews have only

reinforced for me that I am a picky bitch.

I know, I know.

But it was okay, I wouldn't not recommend it.

xoxo veronica

9.18.2010

The Salyer family. Est 2010


My Shawnda Lou Pewie Pew got married today.

And I missed it.

[insert snot & tears here.  Literally.]

I haven't seen pictures yet, but I hear that it was a beautiful event.

I love you Shawnda and I hope you & Travis have

a beautiful, blessed & magical life.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there,

but I prayed for you

and I'm glad everything went perfectly for you.

xoxo veronica

Are we there yet?


The problem with being busy is that I always have all of these things happen where I'm all, "OOOOH! I've GOT to write about this!"  And then by the time I sit in front of my computer.... blank.  Nothing.  I know I've lived a lot of life this week & all kind of great shit happened, but what happened to it all?  *shrugging shoulders*  Nope, by the end of the week, my brain is the consistency of baby cereal & not much good for writing.

I'm definitely still getting used to this whole dayshift thing.  You know what has surprised me the most about it?  Okay, don't laugh.... sunlight.  Okay, go ahead and laugh.  See, for years now, I have slept all day & woken up in the afternoon when it is still daylight, so of course I know what daylight looks like.  I might even sometimes have to wear sunglasses.  But sunlight (nearly setting; dusk) is NOT the same as sunshine at say, ten o'clock in the morning!  WHO KNEW??  I had no idea!  And I'm fully aware how retarded that makes me sound.  Seriously though, I've been all like "wtf is THIS?"  And i HAVE to wear sunglasses, it's simply a must in the full Phoenix sunlight.  Yeah, totally had no idea and am not really loving it so far.  But I'll live.  That or it will burn my corneas.

Work is going good.  I'm still in new employee orientation, which sucks butt.  I mean, in one sense it's easy money, plus there are a TON of classes, so I've learned a lot, but most of it is held on the other side of town & rush-hour traffic is no joke around here.  The other day it took me two hours to go 40 miles because there was an accident.  So with drive time, I'm working 10-12 hours every day (instead of the 3 days I'm used to) and that does NOT make for a happy V.  I'm tired and I'm cranky and I've been having to sit so much in the past few weeks that my hips are killing me!  I had no idea sitting would make my hips hurt like that.  That and my elbows hurt from leaning forward with them on the table so much.  Paul started his new job this week too, which is VERY physically demanding, so put us together and we're like a bunch of old decrepit, crippled people.

I hope it passes soon because I feel like we have no life right now.  I feel like we never get to see each other, never get any alone time, etc etc.  I'm bored and I'm feeling a little neglected right now & it's just because life is so busy.  But, just ask those who have experienced it.... I'm PMS'ing right now, which means I take EVERYTHING personally & as a sign of rejection.  So although my brain knows that it's jut because things are so busy & bodies are so achey, my emotions interpret it as something's wrong.  It's not like writing this is going to clarify anything with or for him though, because he DOESN'T READ MY BLOG (side eye).

I know: *gasp*.  It leaves me with my jaw dropped.  Is there an icon for that?  Insert that shit here.  Yep, nothing I've ever acted too concerned about (to his face), but behind his back (and on my blog) I'm all like wtf?  Are you kidding me?  Don't you want to get to know me?  Because this is where the real shit is.  If he had a blog, you'd better believe I would be up one side of that thing and down the other.  I would start at day one and work my way through.  And then I would hack his password to get inside and see what he's written that's NOT published!  lol  Just kidding (or am I?).

I've mentioned it in passing a few times and he just kind of shrugs his shoulders and acts totally unconcerned.  He says, "I think I have the address of it somewhere.  Maybe I'll glance at it someday.  I'll be able to find it if I want to."  *blank stare*  Okaaayyyyyy..... different strokes for different folks, I guess.  But if I'm laying it all out there, I'd have to say that's a red flag for me.  I want a man who is INTO me.  Who wants to know how my brain works and is fascinated with said brain.  I want a man who gives me good brain in return.  Oh well, he is indeed a very good man and treats me well, so I don't want anyone to think for even a moment that I'm shit-talking him, so I'll move on.  But yeah, all of THIS *moving hands in a big circle*?  A bit of an eyebrow raiser for me.

Hmmm, let's see.  What else?  Oh, I have irritating neighbors that don't know how to clean up their dog's crap now.  Yeah, that's been fun (and smelly).

My house is officially decorated for fall now.  Fake leaves and pumpkins ABLAZE.  I wish the weather reflected this.  As I type this, it's 104 degrees outside, which is kind of nice because it's cooler than it's been.  I'm ready for it to get significantly cooler though.  I'm ready to have my windows open, blowing fresh air all through this place.  Is there anything worse than a stagnant house?  Ick.  I want fresh and clean with moving air.  I'm also tired of my electric bill being so high because of constantly running.

Okay, enough whining.  Hope you all had a great week.  I'm back to the grind in two short days. *sigh*  I can't WAIT to get on my regular schedule!  It might be more work, but at least I will have a more flexible schedule and hopefully *fingers crossed!* will be able to be home by the time the kids get home every day.  That will be awesome.

Okay, later taters.
xoxo veronica

9.12.2010

Truth


"Love the Way You Lie"
by
Eminem & Rihanna

This video is so good.
It brings the subject & truth of domestic violence to the forefront
like no other I've seen.

I also love that Rihanna is singing the other part in this song.
I hope it's not lost on you the significance of that.

My heart's dream is to one day see a world free of domestic violence,
but the truth is, we have a long, long road ahead of us.
Multitudes still need educating on the subject,
and others need to be raised right.
Women need higher self-esteem,
and men need bigger backbones.

Maybe somday.
xoxo veronica

9.07.2010

Alejandro....



I had to drive over there today.  By "there" I mean the other side of town.  It sounds kind of silly to say that there has so many reminders of you, but it does.

This side of town I'm kind of numb to.  I'm accustomed to driving these streets and aren't really affected by them anymore.  Do you know that although I am a mere two blocks away most days, I have never driven by your house?  Never.  It seems natural that I would, but really why would I?   To stare at the empty space and let it confirm that yes, you are really gone.  You really up & moved so so far away.  No.  I'm not trying to purposely emotionally cut like that.  I've been almost defiant about it actually.  Almost like I'm saying that I will not give anyone the satisfaction of picturing me there all melodramatic & weeping in front of your now-empty house.  Nope.  I'm quite proud to say, not once.  So... up yours friend (and I mean that in love, of course).

Today however, I found myself a bit emotionally blindsided as I drove home from work.  See, I normally don't go on the other side of town, and when I have, it's been dark outside so I couldn't see anything.  But today was a beautiful day and as I made my way home, the first thing I spotted far in the distance was the tower from Sky Harbor...you know, the one you sent me a picture of from your phone when you were there working?  Shortly after that, I passed the baby versions of red rocks near my old apartment.  Do you remember standing under the bridge, now OUR bridge, and me pointing to those rocks in the distance & saying those are my happy rocks because they make me think of you.  They make me think of those early, happy days in Phoenix when I would look out, see those rocks and smile because I knew we were here together and I would be seeing you soon?  Yeah, I remember too.

Trying to fight back the tears, I hit the trifecta when I saw all of the beautiful pink & orange flowers growing all over the side of the road.  pink for me & orange for you.  I figured any place that has all these pink & orange flowers growing everywhere couldn't be all bad & that was all the convincing I needed to move here.

Shortly after the flowers, we surpassed the trifecta and moved into superfecta territory when I hit the tunnel.  My mind flashed with a memory of driving through the tunnel & getting a text from you, "Where are you babe?"  Me:  "I'm in the tunnel"  Shortly after, you: "Look in your mirror"  There you were behind me, having raced down the road & up the ramp where you followed me all the way to work.  You pulled up next to me and rolled your window down and smiled saying, "I just had to see your face one more time tonight."

I felt like I got punched in the chest throughout these memories that were flooding me and then it got worse... I hear the song come on.  You know the one... "You've got the best of both worlds...You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again...."  The song we both try to avoid, I'm sure.  I just couldn't believe it was playing at right this very moment.  Normally I forward past the song, but today I let it play.  The universe had bigger things at work.

It was all just too much.  And lately, I've been trying to stuff those things away (like I normally do) and not feel any of that because I have another person to worry about now and don't want to hurt his feelings or make him think that I'm looking in any other direction, because I'm not.  I'm sure you know exactly what I mean about all this, huh?  But the truth is, I HAVE to feel these things and acknowledge them when they come up so that I can process it and get rid of it.  Because truthfully, I'm still processing.  I probably always will be to some point.  I know I'll always love you.  I know I'll always think we're cut from the same cloth and there is no one but you that gets my sense of humor or that thinks like I do.

See, the thing is that there is someone else making deposits in my love bank now.  He's so good to me.  Seriously, seriously good.  I love him.  So because when I see him, I smile in a big sappy way and because I love snuggling up to him and holding his hand, etc,etc, etc then I need to work on this other stuff so that I don't respond viscerally to the sight of some rocks on the highway, etc.  I don't want to disrespect him or make him feel threatened.  The truth is, we've talked about it before....you can love more than one person at the same time.  They just have to be making deposits in your love bank.  He's actively making pretty huge deposits.  I don't want him to doubt my love.  So the goal is to become as desensitized to the other side of town as I am of here.  Because you aren't here anymore.  And you don't care if I am.

xoxo veronica

Yeah, you're welcome....


My gosh, he's beautiful.



xoxo veronica

9.06.2010

He's my King



xoxo veronica

Blue....

I'm sad today.  Not sure why, but I am.  I start my new job tomorrow and am excited but nervous all at the same time.  Not a fan of change, that's for sure.  Paul was kind of M.I.A. today, so I don't feel that I really had any support.  No one to talk me off the little ledge I kept finding myself on.  Oh well, I'm just having a little pitty party.  It's been a while since I've done that, so I'm entitled.

xoxo veronica

Truth....


xoxo veronica

9.05.2010

Just finished....


"The Rest of Her Life"
by
Laura Moriarty

As usual, not too impressed with this one.
What would I give for a really good read right now?
Geez, it seems an impossible task lately!

Okay, to be fair, it wasn't horrible.
It just seemed to drag on and not really 
deal much with the supposed issue at hand.

Oh well, another one bites the dust.
xoxo veronica

Emma quote of the day....


When asked how her hamster is doing,
Emma stated that she was doing really well
& gaining a ton of weight.
She then added,

"Yeah, she totally takes after our family,
because her butt is HUGE!"

lmao
from the mouths of babes.

xoxo veronica

9.03.2010

Inspiring me today….

 

004L Kae

Cozy, quiet, soft, muted rooms with occasional punches of pretty color.

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