2.28.2008

Pill taking for dummies

I feel like such a dork. Last night I couldn't sleep (as usual). At about 2 in the morning I frustratingly reached over on my nightstand and grabbed my sleeping pills and took one. Growing even more frustrated by the minute, I layed there for proably another 3 hours without feeling ANYTHING. Nada. Zip.

I was amazed at this since I had quit taking my Ambien entirely for several weeks and suffered through, hoping it would get better and I wouldn't have to take them anymore. No such luck. So, after getting a refill on my prescription, I have only taken a sleeping pill three times...which is amazing for me. Because it has only been THREE times, I was flabbergasted that it had already lost all effect on me whatsoever!

Until tonight when I went to take my Protonix (stomach med for reflux, ulcers)....and I realized that this was the only bottle on my nightstand. I forgot that I had stuck my Ambien in my nightstand drawer to lessen the temptation on my husband. lol Yeah, guess stomach meds wouldn't make me too sleepy would they? I feel so dumb sometimes! lol

Blank stare




Well, I thought I had got my mojo check tonight by some unnamed teenage boy who left a picture comment on Courtney's page. It was a pic of Court & I together and said something to the tune of, "Wow, I see where you get your looks! You'd better love your mom!" I was instantly like, wow! who is this kid??? He is sooo allowed to stay on her friends list! lol

So, as my wonderful husband walks into the office, I excitedly exclaim... "Honey! I'M A M.I.L.F.!!" (half joking).

Know how he responds?...................... wait for it ............................... ......................................................................................

"Are you sure you know what a MILF is?"

*cricket, cricket*

Thanks babe. Thanks a lot.


How I felt before:



How I feel after:


2.21.2008

A Girl’s Bad Day, Better Evening, and Humbling Night

I've decided to take a break from my homework to write about my day. The first thing that comes to mind is that this day sucked. It was a bad day, and I haven't had one of those for a while now.

Those of you closest to me know the issue I'm going through with Scott's new doctor (his old one left the facility), and the fact that the doctor immediately decided to take Scott off of ALL of his bipolar meds and mood stabilizers, and just put him on a general (and very BENIGN) antidepressant and an anti-anxiety med....because he wants to "start with a blank pallet", and after-all, Scott seems "very stable and just has a little anxiety". I got on the phone with that doctor and kindly stated my case--which consists of the fact that he's a total flockin' idiot and that he's playing russian roullette with our lives! I told him that of course Scott is stable right now.... BECAUSE HE'S ON STABILIZERS!!!

The doctor totally blew me off and dismissed me, so I decided to throw a little weight around--and I'm a big girl honey! I said to him very s-l-o-w-l-y and precisely, "Listen to me closely. I am GOING ON THE RECORD to say that I COMPLETELY disagree with you. I think you are making a very FOOLISH decision, and fully believe that you have done NO research into my husband's records to see what dire consequences are going to come of this. And you better hear my words clearly...you are WRONG." He took that exactly as I meant it...you screw up and something happens to him or this family, I will not only sue the crap out of you, but I will make sure you are buried under the jail! His response was, "let me look at his chart some more and get back to you." Uh huh. Like I thought...now we're speaking the same language.

He then calls me back and tells me it's ok to leave Scott on one of the meds, but to discontinue the others. I was still livid. He assures me that he is "available for me and any concerns whenever I need him." Bullcrap. My concerns starting rising in the last week or so, as Scott has been starting to slip slowly away. He is distant and moody. He is withdrawn and irritable. THINGS ALL WAY TOO FAMILIAR to me. I tried to call his doctor and was told, "I'm sorry, he's out of the office until sometime next week (this was on a Friday)." I asked if they could page him, and they said "No. He doesn't take calls. If you have a need before then, you can either call the police or 911." I was pissed.

Because of this, I took up his counselor's offer to come to Scott's appointment with him today. I wanted to reiterate to him exactly why I was so adamant about these meds. Turns out I didn't have to tell him much, because the "old" Scott came out full-force during the session. Well, not full-force, but still enough that the counselor could see for himself. Scott was angry and pounding the arms of his chair and talking over me and yelling at me. He was very paranoid and uncooperative. It was a mess. Do you know that he had the nerve to say the words, "I don't have an addictive personality, she's just trying to make me look bad!". Uh huh! I about fell out of my chair.

I eventually ended up in sobbing tears, yelling at the counselor to look at my husband and see what they have accomplished by taking his medication away. Because when Scott's properly medicated, he is NOTHING like that. He is prince charming! Seriously. I then sobbed that I couldn't do this for even one more minute. That they needed to fix him or find a place for him to live and I stormed out. I sat in the waiting room crying in disbelief that we are in this position again. I had yelled at the counselor at one point, "You're supposed to changed someone's meds when they QUIT working! NOT when they ARE working!" He was doing so good. At least I know that it's possible, and this is largely a result of his illness and not him as a person.

It was such a low-point for me that when they came out of the office, I wouldn't even look at either of them. I came home and wouldn't speak to Scott for most of the day. I totally ignored him and pulled away from him in disgust when he tried to kiss my neck. I was so done. He spent the day trying to kiss my butt and be all lovey-dovey, but I wasn't having it...not after the way that he acted and treated me just a few hours earlier. Hell no. I called and cancelled my part of a doctor's appointment we had for tomorrow and wrote him out directions. He acted so disappointed and asked me why I did that. I looked at him like he's as crazy as he is, and said "because of the fiasco that happened today! If you think I'm going to give you another opportunity to act like a fool and treat me like crap, you've got another thing coming! I am NOT going with you ANYWHERE." Then I went to take a nap in order to avoid him.

When I woke up, I felt a little bit better. The girls were home and that always puts me in a better mood. We had pizza for dinner and snuggled in bed and watched American Idol. Every once in a while, Scott would come in to kiss me on the head, or tell me he loved me...like he always does. He was acting so normal, it was almost like the Twilight Zone to think about how he had acted earlier today. I softened towards him a little bit, but I was still so turned off by him that I barely spoke to him, and totally ignored his advances towards me. Yeah, as if I would really do that with you after the way you acted. Riiiight.*rolling eyes*

Anyways, he fell asleep and I decided I needed to at least pretend to start my homework. I signed into the website and saw that I have an A in my class so far, with only 2 weeks to go! :) YAY! That immediately made me feel a little bit better. I opened my notebook to the workshop that just started this evening and read the first few paragraphs...and God got me. (let me preface this by saying that being "a world changer" is one of the goals and objectives of this nursing program that we have to meet.)

"A world changer is a servant leader who is committed to seeking God, pursuing His will, and understanding His purpose for life and work.

YOU ARE A WORLD CHANGER...

What are you doing in your family, your community, and at your place of employment to change the world? A world changer is a servant leader who exhibits certain knowledge, skills, beliefs, and attitudes based on Biblical principles.

ROMANS 12:9-17 (NIV)

Love must be sincere...Be devoted to one another...Honor one another above yoursleves. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer...

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Live in harmony with one another..."

*cricket, cricket*

Yeah. Sitting here in the silence, I tried to think of how I applied any of this to my life today. I couldn't think of anything. My original goal and intention was to help and act out of love by going to the doctor, but as soon as things turned rough...I fought back and then stormed out throwing my hands up in defeat and screaming that I could just care less. I then slept all day in order to avoid doing anything for anyone...including the Lord. Ouch.

I think I'm going to get back to my homework now. Please pray for me, because I am really struggling right now. My flesh still wants to rebell and say, "This isn't what I signed up for!", but my heart wants to please my one true love...Jesus. I don't know what will happen in my future. But I know that He does. I don't know why all of this is happening...and why I seem to be the one he likes to pick to be in these messes, but he does. I don't trust Scott to work it out in the end, but I trust my Lord to take care of me, lead me, and heal me when needed. That's the only thing that I have to cling to, and he's never let me down before. I've come through a whole lot worse than this. I need to not grow so weary on the journey. I'm tired after all I've been through, but my journey isn't over. I have to stay strong, and stay the course. If I can just hold fast, I know it will all be alright in the end.

2.13.2008

These are a few of my favorite things

Because all the cool kids were doing it, I just couldn't stand up to the peer pressure any more! :) Here are some of my favorite things....

hot tea

meals with girlfriends that go on and on and on

a baby's laugh

clean, crisp sheets

lipgloss

christmas

a man wearing cologne

the hairline on the back of a man's neck fresh after a haircut

protonix

blogging

reading blogs that make me laugh

talking to funny, quick-witted people who make me laugh

dark red lipstick

marching bands

lotion

standing in front of the fan after a shower

days off

pajama pants

when my hair looks good

the sound of a fan while I'm sleeping

big band/jazz music

wild flowers

poppies

Tresor

orange roses

icons & clipart

the 1940's

to see my girls laughing together

to see my children moved by Jesus

shabby chic

my bed (it's the best)

the beach at dusk

FALL!!!

a cozy smelling candle

knowing I've encouraged someone

doing a good job at something

sleeping in

NYC

driving down the highway blasting music

reading something in the word that really gets me where I need it

sweet tea (no lemon)

France

antiques (primitive & rustic, not high-brow)

books

the office supply aisle

a full refrigerator (my spirit rests easier knowing my children are fed)

pictures that turn out flattering

my wedding rings (they are a symbol of something I have to work so hard at to make successful)

seeing my husband sleeping (it usually means all is well in his world--inside & out)

to hear others say kind things about my kids

to see God moving in people's lives

to know that I'm DONE with something I've started

2.09.2008

To my Soapie Soap Soap Soap Soap on her birthday day!!! :)



How do I love my Soapie? Oh, let me count the ways! In honor of Allison's birthday, I have decided to repost one of my very first blogs ever written. It was a two-part series titled, "Hey Soapie! Do you remember this?" :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allison is my oldest friend! We've shared so much together it's not even funny! Well, actually most of it is pretty funny looking back at it now! LOL We call each other "Soap".... don't ask! You won't understand anyways. This post is primarily for her..... I'm just gonna throw out some words, thoughts and phrases and see if they ring any bells. Feel free to add to the list Soapie!!! haha

John Algarin, "Round Up Sunday", I Love Lucy, My crush on Mr. Crabtree and yours on Wayne Spears (Mr. C. is still married & Wayne's rotting in prison... what's that say about us??? lol), exchangeable notebooks, "Allison Noel you get right back up there and wash that crap off of your face!!!!!", Ricky racoon and Terry bear, my green radio and pink phone, "BRAT!", Maziar Never-fart, SHUT UP MEGAN!!!!!!, belching"LUUUUUUUKCUUUUUUS", your mom pinching my butt! ('chicken butt!'), koolats and jean skirts, "Edy & Kevin 4-ever", layered and feathered hair, then.... curly perms, hot rollers and curling irons... i have 2 words for you: AQUA NET (ahhh the 80's!), "EWWWWWW!!! WHAT'S HE GONNA DO WITH THAT!?!?!?!?!" , but-ump-bump, and yes....I take full blame and responsibility for it and am here to publicly apologize to you my wonderful soapie-soap!!!! .... I kissed Wayne Spears in the basement of the Hearns house when we were babysitting on Valentines Day, 1987 when I knew that you were crazy in love with him!!!! Horrible, horrible, horrible thing to do!!! LOL And I admit that I didn't stop even after I heard you stomp over and turn on the vacuum cleaner because you used to clean when you were angry!!! LOL All I can say is... he walked to drug mart and bought me a can of aqua net for valentines day.... he had my heart!!! HAHAHA (at least for a couple of days till I totally dumped him cause I never wanted to hurt my Soap! Not to mention the fact that he was a HORRIBLE kisser!!!Short-thick-tongue going twenty miles a min inside of your mouth....no finesse whatsoever! lol).

All I can say is... what if I had never met you? I'm so grateful that I did friend!

10-26-05 Hey Soapie, part 2….

This started out as a response to a comment on my blog but was way too long. LOL So I figured that maybe I wasn't done here! :)

Hey Soapie... how about me ditching your friend (... but he didn't like me either!! lol) at Cedar Point to hang out with Ross all day (whom I ADORE by the way, and he ended up taking me to my senior homecoming dace lol), the stupid airplanes that never stopped flying over your stupid apartment!, "Dude! forget lookin at chicks...you couldn't catch a duck!", "There's aaaaalways [the evil one]..." (ewwwww! lol), being the maid of honor in my wedding and making me change all the colors because you didn't like the way your dress fit and you wanted to wear another one LOL, RUSTY (enough said about that one!!!!), your "april tree" because you didn't feel like taking your Christmas tree down LOL, FRED, David and the Giants, WZLE, holding our tape recorder up to the speaker of the stereo and pausing/unpausing so we could record our favorite songs, passing notes in church, getting busted passing notes in church, Veronica and John 4ever, Veronica and Hank 4ever, Veronica and Keith 4ever, Veronica and Dale 4ever, Veronica and Randy 4ever hahaha, BRACES, me walking around Sea World with only one shoe all day because one of the boys stole the other one, "Jeff from the thumb of Michigan" (do you remember him? Cedar Point...worked the log ride... let us stay on and ride forever), you throwing me my one and only sweet sixteen party, me worried sick about you because your mom was in a car accident and you hit your head on the hatchback and kept passing out in the shower, your parents divorce, you moving all the way to Brookpark , being my maid of honor even though you didn't really believe I was doing the right thing, you driving four hours just to be with me when I saw the evil one for the first time in court, getting flowers from you on my 30th birthday because I was alone and you missed me (still to this day the only flowers I've ever had delivered to me), Pastors funeral. What touches my heart is how deeply ingrained in my life you have been even when there has been a little distance and even when I try to start out with all of the funny thoughts of you it always progresses to the sweet and tear-provoking thoughts.

Through all of my posts in the last week I know that the prevailing theme has been friendship and it's only now that I see exactly what God's been doing in me this week. This is a full-circle moment for me right now because I can see that in order for me to start again, he is taking me back to where I began. I always thought we had rough childhoods, and we did. But as I sit here with tears rolling down my face my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest because I am so overwhelmed with love and gratitude. I can look back and see how the Lord used our beautiful foundation with HIM first and then he reached down and brought two young girls together and helped them build a beautiful foundation to base all of their future relationships on. Together we learned how to be women and we also learned how to be friends.... not just to each other but to everyone else that would come into our lives. We took two very different paths, but yet here we are... still learning from each other and growing together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT ALLISON


1. Your grace under fire! I might have strength under fire, but you have the grace!

2. How much you love animals. As much as I always hate to admit it, I don't possess that quality. But you do...and it's awesome to watch. I've learned alot from you by watching your relationships with your animals.

3. Your singing voice! Loved it when I was 12, love it now!

4. That you can come up with some INSANE food/dessert concoctions! And you can talk about them with such enthusiasm, it makes other people want to go try them too! Like that ridiculous peanut butter and orange float whatever it was? lol

5. That you are so much like me in that God made us both "idea people." We have come up with some AMAZING ideas over the years! Like starting our own candle shop...it can still happen!

6. That you haven't given up on me moving to Dayton to be closer to you. :) It's nice to be loved!

7. That you actively seek to love God more. You have inspired me and taught me over and over again.

8. That we still call each other "Soap" after twenty years! lol It had the most retarded beginning, but the nickname stuck! As I sit here wearing my "Soaps Rule!" t-shirt, I smile thinking of the day I first met you. It is forever burned in my mind, and only sitting here now looking back, do I wonder how God must have been smiling. He divinely placed me in that church with you! And he must have been giggling to himself thinking about the stupid things we would do and the stupid nicknames we would call each other!

9. God couldn't have made two more different girls, who would go in such different paths in their lives! In some areas we are as opposite as night and day...and in some others we are like twin spirits. I understand you, and I enjoy you. You are the most loving and loyal of friends and every single day, I am still grateful to know you.

10. Most of all, I love that after 22 years of friendship, you still "get" me. Even on my worst days, I can trust you to know my heart and still love me. And I love you too! To the moon and back! I hope you have the best birthday day ever!

2.06.2008

My day

My day hasn't been bad. Courtney was home and so I gave her the phone and told her to answer it all day and not let it wake me up...and she did. So I was able to sleep pretty much straight through. I needed it, so that was a huge blessing.

I got up between 2:30 and 3 and found out that God had provided and Scott was able to changed the brakes on our van. That was DESPERATELY needed seeing as how the brake pedal was going all the way to the floor and the ABS brakes had to kick in to stop us. The brake light had come on and we had planned on changing them this weekend, but the van had other plans and started this nasty behavior a few days ago. Knowing that they are changed and that my family is safer was also a huge blessing!

The other thing that happened that I KNOW is a blessing, but my heart, pride and ego have a hard time accepting is that God has given me an opportunity to forgive, and he has shown that he can heal even the biggest and deepest of wounds.

When the evil one hurt Courtney and went to jail for it, his parents took his side and did/said some not so nice things. They hurt me so bad and I felt so betrayed that they haven't seen the kids AT ALL in nearly four years now. I had it in my head that they would never see them again, period. A few weeks ago, however, I prayed a simple little quick prayer of basically, "Lord, I am willing to forgive if you will deal with the feelings I have. If you make it happen, I am willing to let it and move on."

WELL.... be careful what you ask for!!! lol Last week I got a letter in the mail from my ex-in-laws. First of all, it was the first time that they had ever spelled my name right...so that was a plus in their favor. Secondly, they were NICE to me. Paraphrasing, they basically said that they know I don't like them, but they do miss the girls...and me. That "mom" was sick and it would make such a huge difference if she could hear SOMETHING from the girls...even if it was just a school picture.

I went back and forth on my feelings for a few days. First I thought, yeah...I can do that for them. Then I'd think, NO! I'm not sending pictures of my babies so that they can make copies to send to that pedophile! They made their bed, now they can lie in it! Back and forth I would go.

So the other night after everyone was long asleep and I was sitting here alone...like I often am...the Holy Spirit moved on me and I was filled with forgiveness and compassion for them. I knew that moment was the time to write a letter to them before I had a chance to talk myself out of it. This is a little lengthy, but here's what it said:

Mr. & Mrs. Arnold,

I want to clear something up. This is not about me not liking you. Because I do like you. You were part of my family for a long time and I love you both. I also love Emery and Karen and all of the rest of the family. That's not what this is about. I don't want any bad blood between us.

What it is about is the fact that through the entire situation with the evil one's court hearings and everything, I felt very betrayed by you. Even when he told you with me listening that he did these monstrous things to my daughter, you chose to take his side. Many comments were made to me and about me behind my back regarding the fact that you didn't think he should have gone to jail. And we're just going to have to agree to disagree about what happened with Maddie and Amelia, because there is NO WAY that children that young could have made that up. NO WAY.

I do believe that if it happened you are sorry now. I do believe that you love my girls and you miss them. I don't doubt that at all. I believe you. And honestly, this isn't about keeping them from you or punishing you at all. Even though you deny Mrs. Arnold saying the things that she did to the girls, I want you to know that I forgive her. I don't hold that against you two. This is 100% about the evil one. Absolutely and totally. I can't say enough times that this isn't about you, Billie, or any other member of that family…except for evil one.

You may not want to admit it to yourselves, but he was a very cruel and malicious man. If only for this moment if you would please put yourselves in my shoes and see him for what he really was to us and try to sympathize. He was an abusive husband who used to beat the tar out of me often, and went to jail for it many times. I was young and stupid and kept thinking that love would win in the end. Instead, he molested one of our 14-year-old babysitters and then molested my daughter every night for two years. To hear the vulgar, disgusting details of what he did to her over and over again leaves it very difficult to know that if I send you pictures of my girls that you are most sure to make copies and send them to him. Amelia is just about the age Courtney was when he started, and Maddie is how old she was when he had to quit. I feel that to send him pictures of girls who are his prime age-targets would be to victimize my children all over again.

I would love to send you pictures. I would love to have the girls be part of your life. But I can't trust that you would have any loyalty to me. We all know that I was always the outsider and the evil one was where your loyalty lay. I can't trust that you wouldn't have the girls talk to him or send their pictures to him, etc.

One of the other reasons that I am hesitant to rekindle this is because it would just be like digging up old bones. God has been faithful to heal broken hearts and the girls are doing so good. I'm afraid that opening that old box would be like ripping a band-aid off of a wound. Also, I don't want to bring them around and let them get attached to family only to have to take them away again in a few years when he gets out of prison. Because I will not allow him around my children. He is NOT safe.

If we could work out some sort of agreement with your word on not giving him any photos of them or asking them to talk to him, etc…then it might be something I would consider. The girls are hesitant, because they're nervous just like I am. I would have to have your word.

I'd like to give you a little update on them though.

Maddie is 10 years old now. She's tall and very athletic. She loves to play soccer and likes to ice skate. She's good at just about everything she tries. She's also one of the best students in her class.

Amelia is 7 now and in second grade. She struggles a little bit with learning certain things because of the lead-poisoning she had when she was little from the house on Brownell Ave. She still loves to play with dolls and she's a very good mom to them. Her newest baby is named "Mollie", and Emma is absolutely in love with her! She loves art and is always drawing and painting. She's also the funniest kid I have! She's always dancing or doing something funny.

We have a really wonderful, quiet and stable family now and we love it that way. Maddie is more outgoing and Amelia is still more shy. Maddie wants to be a vetrenarian when she grows up and has a passion for animals. Amelia changes what she wants to be every day! J Some days she wants to be a designer and sketches outfits on paper and the next day she wants to be a police officer and asks about police academy. J

I truly do wish you well and hope that Billie feels better. I have no hard feelings towards either of you anymore. I just want all of the damage to heal and go away. I wish there was a way to do that AND keep him away from my children. It's easy to be good when you're locked up and have to be good. I had 9 years of him showing me that he wasn't good and I don't trust him with one fiber of my being. But I do wish you both well. I love you and I appreciate everything that you have done for me in the past. I hope we can work something out. I would be willing to consider it, but I would have to have your absolute solemn word. The evil one is a grown man and could have protected himself….these are little ones who still need protecting, and I am willing to do that at all costs. I need your cooperation. Think about it and let me know. I'm enclosing a letter that Madelaine wrote for you. Amelia was too shy to write one.

God bless you,

Veronica

Today I received a letter back from them that said:

"We thank you for the photo of the girls. They look great and you say they are doing great, and that's good. We are proud of them, tell them. Love you all. You all are welcome to come over here any time, you know that. [no i don't] We will not send the evil one a copy of the girls or tell him anything about them if that's what you want Veronica. [Yes, that's what I want]

When the evil one told us what he done to Courtney it tore our hearts out. [right.] When you told us we could not see his girls [they aren't his girls, they're MY girls] anymore, it tore the rest of our hearts out. [Yeah, you're not used to having consequences are you?] We would like to see the kids again.

For what it's worth, the evil one says he is not coming back to Lorain to live when he gets out. [GOOD!] If the kids ever come over here, they won't talk to him on the phone. He hardly ever calls anyways.

We lov eyou all and are praying for you all.

Pray to hear from you,

Mom & Dad Arnold"

You can see by the remarks that I interjected how they damage still isn't totally healed. This is definitely a process for me! But I'm trying to always act while the spirit is moving, so that the devil can't change my mind. So, as soon as the girls got home from school, I read them the letter and asked them how they felt about it. They said it was good and that they'd like to go see them sometime...as long as I don't leave them there. I suggested calling them and the girls were like, "No really...that's ok." lol But I insisted (for the reasons mentioned above.) I knew that if we didn't do it now, it would probably never happen.

I dialed the number that I still know by heart and the girls all talked to the Arnolds. I never thought that day would come. EVER. Even Courtney talked to them. To say that the Arnolds were thrilled to hear from the kids would be a HUGE understatement. They were beyond thrilled. It was a really bittersweet moment for me, and I still wondered whether or not to trust them. But the whole time that I sat wondering that, I could feel that still, small voice telling me that it was going to be alright. Allow God to heal this and trust that he will protect. Enough time has gone by that I think they have felt their consequences and they know that this is their only chance.

Right now, I can feel my pride struggling with its last few dying breaths trying to get me to reconsider. My conscience, however, is feeling a lot better. The way I look at it is that I have now extended the olive branch. I have obeyed. And I know that God rewards obedience. If the Arnolds screw this up, that isn't my fault...it's theirs. Even if I don't trust them, I do trust God. I have to trust him that he will keep us safe...and that he will warn me to get away from there if things aren't as they should be. I have to. I really don't think that will be an issue though. My spirit just feels like it's all going to be ok. Enough time has gone by for the reality of what the evil one did to sink into their hearts. I think they get it now. So since God is willing to help me, I have to keep my end of the bargain and be willing to forgive.

Please pray for us! I don't think I can convey in words what a HUGE deal this is for me. This whole situation of my baby being raped for two years left the biggest, gaping hole in me...and it will never heal completely. Not that God isn't capable, it's more that I don't think I'll allow it to heal. I just don't see myself ever being that surrendered. I hope so, but I doubt it. This is, though, a little piece of the hole being filled in. And that feels good.

2.03.2008

Catch-up blog


My computer is irritated at me. It's slowly realizing that the love affair we once had is now over...at least temporarily. We used to spend leisurely afternoons cuddling together checking out myspace or gossip sites. We'd spend hours laughing together over silly emails or videos on youtube. But now it's all just a distant memory. Unfortunately, now my computer is just as bored as I am being stuck on stinky SCHOOL business all day long. :(

Yep, between my school work and the kids school work, I don't get to do much else...and that BITES!!! I want to blog! I want to read blogs! I want to check out TMZ or X17 and see what that crazy Britney is up to today! (She's hospitalized for her bipolar right now, by the way...cause I cheated and peeked!) It's not just my computer though. ALL of my electronic equipment is crying out for me. My DVR especially! It's jam-packed with all kinds of goodies waiting for me to come and watch. But no. Alas, I sit here at my desk studying about formatting papers in APA style and taking tests on predicates. Don't ask me what the heck that has to do with "Nursing Informatics" (which should be computer charting, security systems, etc.)...but I'm glad they're giving us this opportunity to brush up, because it's been a LONG time since I've written papers. I've gotten into the habit of typing how I talk. I usually type what I want, when I want, how I want...and I've gotten WAY out of practice!

Other than that, there's not much else going on in my life right now...cause I have no life right now. lol I'm still hanging onto the last remnants of cold/bronchitis. It's almost gone though. Now Scott has it...I told him not to kiss me! He wouldn't listen, and now he's as miserable as I was. It's always a contest though, because he always thinks he feels worse than I did. lol

On an upnote...drumroll please!

I SLEPT LAST NIGHT! ALL NIGHT LONG! (*cymbal crash*)

Yep. Everyone knows the history of my insane insomnia. Ambien has no effect on me anymore, so the doctor switched me to doxepin. NOPE. Didn't touch me. Most nights I'm going to bed at about 6 or 7 in the morning, get up at 8 to get kids off to school, snooze until about 1 or so (on and off because Scott can't stay out of the bedroom and the phone won't quit ringing)...so I'm constantly exhausted. WELL.... someone at work mentioned that her son used to have the same problem and he tried using melatonin (which is just a vitamin supplement). I was hesitant and thinking, if AMBIEN has no effect on me, what's a vitamin gonna do??? Another reason I was hesitant is because while looking it up online, I saw that it said if you have lupus you might not want to take it because it also helps improve your immune system. Since my immune system is already an over-achiever like me, I thought twice. Then I figured that it probably wouldn't make me much sicker than the constant fatigue and no sleep would right? So I figured I'd give it a shot.

I picked up a bottle at walmart yesterday for like 3 bucks and took one last night. WITHIN A HALF-HOUR I couldn't keep my eyes open and HAD to go to bed! So I slept from about 11 last night till about 11:30 today!!! (No doubt making up for many sleepless nights). This just all goes to reaffirm that God makes everything we need! There is something for every ailment with God's fingerprint all over it and man...let alone pharmaceutical companies...doesn't know everything!

I hope you're all doing well. I miss everyone. I'm sitting here with my WoodWick candle burning next to me (they're awesome because they sound like a crackling fire) and I'm back to my homework. (BLAH!) I wish I could go take a nap, but at least I don't have to go with my brother today to pick out Amelia's flowergirl dress for his wedding. There's a blessing in everything I suppose! :)

2.02.2008

Application to date my daughter

A friend posted this as a joke recently, but it was totally serious to me! lol I made a few changes to make it more my own and now it's official! Any person desiring to date my daughter must download this application, fill it out in triplicate (one for each parent and step-parent) and submit by the deadline. Don't call us, we'll call you.



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY _________________ DRIVERS LICENSE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ __________________

__________________________________________________ _________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend __________________________________________________ _

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
__________________________________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:
__________________________________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
__________________________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
__________________________________________________ ____________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />



_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to
call or write (since
you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is
rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you
might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Mama's Rules for Dating .


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a pizza,
because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long
as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes
or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,
so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear
showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of your date with my daughter, I will have my husband take his electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me clarify…when it comes
to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we
should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do
not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of
when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to
date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I
will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front kitchen, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her
makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge
. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like
changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places
where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies
which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged,
dimwitted woman, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a van to transport your body. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for my husband to mistake the sound
of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near
Hanoi . When his Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in his head
frequently tell him to clean the guns as we wait for you to bring my daughter
home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with
both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear
voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return
to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
at the window is my husbands.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...