1.18.2008

Catch-up blog


HEY THERE!!! :) Sorry I took a week or so off. Sometimes I just need to take time to let life sink in and see what develops. So what's been going on here? Well, lets see...

Aside from a few minor glitches (mostly financially speaking), everything has been WONDERFUL. :) Seriously...really, really good. The homefront has been peaceful and happy...knock on wood! lol I always hate to let the devil know what I'm thinkin'!

Scott is still working part-time. He had a few days off because of the bad weather, but still some is better than none! :)

I started back to college yesterday. I'm really excited and anxious...but then again, I'm still only in orientation for the week. lol I might feel differently once I'm neck-deep in nursing school again!

When I got home from work tonight, there was a UPS package waiting for me. The college sent me a really nice bookbag/satchel. In it was a binder, several reference books, the books for my first course, and a new Life Application Bible! I was so excited! I was a little disappointed because it's hard-cover and it's NIV (I'm more of a King James girl).

The main reason I was excited though, was because I see it as a definite sign of God's blessing. See, when I enrolled in college the first time (way back when), I knew that it was going to be a huge challenge. Not only was school going to be tough, but I had a controlling, abusive husband who was NOT happy, and tried to make me pay for enrolling BIG TIME.

I knew that God wanted me there and I knew that he was the only one that was going to get me through. It was going to be a me-and-God journey all the way. To commemorate that, I went and bought myself a new Bible...a Life Application study bible (the same as was just sent to me). I had written in the front of it: "To Veronica from yourself...I'm so proud of you!" So receiving that Bible with my books today really tugged at my heart and reminded me that this is still a me-and-God journey...always.

I've been feeling pretty good overall. Much better since coming off the chemo! I still can't sleep well, but everything else is getting there, hopefully that will fall into line too. I know I'm probably being way too hopeful seeing as how I've been an insomniac most of m life...but a girl can hope right? :)

I finished the paperwork today for Courtney & Darren to be homeschooled. I know, right?! lol What the heck am I thinking??? Yeah, I know. But I'm tired of being fearful whenever they go to school...it's SO DANGEROUS.

I don't have anywhere near enough patience to teach the little ones, but hopefully since C&D are older they won't need as much help. Most of it is online. They're sending us a computer and a scanner/printer/fax machine, and they have access to their teachers online or by phone all the time. They also have to participate everyday in online classes.

Darren is THRILLED about it, but Courtney is losing her excitement the more she realizes she won't be around her friends everyday. She's such a social bug, this is going to kill her! Oh well, I'm ok with that. lol I told her if she doesn't like it, then it only has to be till the end of the year. Next year she can go to vocational school, which is a better environment.

Truthfully, I'm more worried about ME than her. Having her here 24/7 might be a danger to her because she's gonna get on my nerves so bad!!! lol At least I won't have to worry about her stealing my makeup so often!

Maddie and Emma are doing awesome. They're such good girls! All of my kids are good, but they are really good. Of course, they're still young...but here's hoping it keeps up!

Basically, life is sweet! :) What have you all been up to? I miss hearing from you!!

1.09.2008

"Your article has been accepted"

Sooooo....

You all know how I've been wanting to get my foot in the door of the publishing world, right? So in order to do so, you need to have some "clips" to show them. Clips are samples of other places your writing has been published, so that the editor can see your style and quality, etc. I haven't been worried about getting paid for things right now, the important thing is to get your work accepted somewhere just to get the clip. It builds your portfolio.

So recently (after I finally got over the fear of putting myself out there to be judged professionally), I submitted four of my articles (3 blogs reworked and 1 new article) to a few different sites and have been waiting (somewhat impatiently) to hear back from them. Well, today I received three emails saying that my articles have been accepted and published!!! WOOHOO!! I'm still waiting for response on the fourth one. One of the emails even said "You've also earned Expert Author status"...now whether or not they say that to all their new authors? I don't know! I'm takin' it!! :)
This is so AWESOME!!

1.07.2008

Happy Barth Day, or is it Brir Day?


Today was an AWESOME birthday if I do say so myself! :) It's exactly the kind of birthday I love....quiet and lazy!

I couldn't fall asleep till about 6 in the morning, so I slept until 2:40 in the afternoon...with barely any interruptions, which is SWEEET! :)

I was in the shower when the kids got home from school. When I got out I noticed an envelope shoved under the bathroom door, which had the card pictured above in it. Amelia made it all by herself. :) So freakin' cute! I opened my gift (YES, MY husband actually returned something of his to the store in order to have cash to buy me a gift. lol)--it was a sonic jewelry cleaner (which I have been wanting).

Next came one of my favorite parts.... I got to open ALL the windows in my house and go sit on my deck barefoot with no coat..... BECAUSE IT'S 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!! Oh yeah honey! Now I know that some of you who live in say, ohhhhh California won't appreciate this as much (lol), but for that to happen on MY birthday--in JANUARY--in CLEVELAND is nearly unheard of! It's 6:00 in the evening and the windows and doors are still all open, papers are blowing off of my desk like crazy and there is a smell of freshness in here that usually doesn't happen in the middle of winter. Thank you Lord!! :) That was an awesome gift!

Scott made spaghetti for dinner (which the kids groaned about but I LOVED). After that Amelia took charge and insisted that we drink the bottle of sparkling cider that we had left over from New Years...and we had to use the "fancy glasses" from the china cabinet! She made everyone say three things that they were grateful for and then they sang "happy birthday" to me (we didn't have money for cake lol).

I had sooo many messages and posts from friends and family sending good wishes my way that I feel blessed, loved and almost overwhelmed. My whole soul is smiling! Thank you all for letting me know that I was on your mind and for sending good wishes my way. It was extremely appreciated. :)

1.06.2008

Abounding and abasing

"11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound..."




Why do I still have so much trouble with this? As many times as I have been in between a rock and a hard place, one of the main sources of stress in my life is still worrying about money. What I want to do is learn how to stand on the rock when I'm in the hard place.

It's amazing to me just how fast things can go from abounding (lots) to abasing (little)! One day we will have plenty of everything and then just the next day, it seems, I hear the kids saying "there's nothing to eat in there" and I have no money to replace it.

There was a mix-up with my bank account (AGAIN! GRRRR!) and because of a withdraw that I didn't know about (grrr again), the money that was used to buy Scott's work boots caused an overdraft. *sigh* Now my bank is charging me $35.00 PER DAY that my account is negative on top of my $35.00 NSF fee! Because of the sick days I had to take, that basically means my ENTIRE check is going to be consumed by the fees. The NSF also caused my car payment to bounce...and because of where I bought the car they are not having that and are threatening to take my car if not paid by TOMORROW. *sigh again.* What else is frustrating is that the little bit of money Scott earned from working those two days after buying the boots isn't even enought to cover the fees from buying the stinkin' boots! The last time I asked my parents to borrow money was a few years ago and they told me "no" (I have the "tough love" type of parents), so I know not to go down that road again.

I'm so frustrated and stressed. How many times to I have do travel this same road. I know I'm not the best at budgeting, but I've been doing pretty good for a long time now. The fact that I only have $5.00 in my wallet when I thought I should have MORE and the fact that there was a withdraw from my checking account while I was sleeping infuriates me. He's trying so hard in every other way, but still doesn't get it when it comes to money. I had changed the PIN on my debit card because of this and made the mistake of telling him what it was one day at the ATM because he was driving and I couldn't reach the machine. I guess I'm just going to have to change it again.

Please pray for me. I know that God always provides. I know it somewhere inside of me anyways. I have seen evidence of it over and over and over again. But part of me still has trouble letting it go and knowing it will come from somewhere. I want this marriage to work, but I don't want it to cost me everything either. I don't want my car repossessed! (how will I get to work and earn money then?) I don't want to resent him and be stressed all the time. He really is trying, why are things still rough? Why am I still whining about it when I know that somehow it will work out? I don't know. Because writing it down is the best way to get it out so it doesn't fester inside of me and make me explode, I suppose.

Lord, I know that you will not let me go without what I need. Lord, you know that we need food and a car. If I did anything to cause this I am so sorry and I repent. Scott is your child Lord, I can't parent him and am getting sick trying to do so...please help. Please help in every area. Please let me have a peaceful, calm birthday tomorrow and thank you for all of the blessings in my life...because I know there are alot. I love you so much Lord! In Jesus name, amen.

1.04.2008

I’m fabulous, I knew it


I've been actively doing my family tree for sometime now and it's sooo interesting! I'm really enjoying the process...that's always the kind of thing that gets me--RESEARCH. I love it. I could do it day and night and also in my sleep. I love to dig and dig and look in every little nook and cranny for the smallest hint to solve the mystery. What that all means in humanease is that I'm a natural born snoop, basically. :)

Anyways, this family tree thing has been quite fasicnating. I'm totally stuck on my one grandma and can't seem to get past her...but the whole rest of the nuts have cracked revealing LONG lines of interesting people. Most of my maternal grandpa's side come from germany/prussia. on my maternal grandma's side from england and scotland.

On my paternal grandpas side it's mainly France, Ireland and the Netherlands. I've learned a ton and am really in wonder of it. It's become like an addiction and I sit LITERALLY for hours working on this. We had found some relatives that I'm not sure if they were actual royalty, but they were more like a duke or something...anyways, we found the castle that they were born and died in and googled the name of it and there it was...the picture of OUR family castle! So neat! We did that with two of them actually. Madelaine is just as into this as I am...I can see her carrying the torch once I'm done with it.

Anwyas, on ancestry.com once you've got alot of your tree done, you can click on a link to see if you have any famous relatives...and wouldn't you know that I have a long list of them? That's right! I'm fabulous! :)

They list all of the people and tell how you're related and you can look on your chart to see where your common ancestor is. It's pretty neat. So here are my famous "cousins" lol:

Georgia O'Keefe , Marlon Brando, Theodore Roosevelt , Lou Henry Hoover, Humphrey Bogart , James Matthew Barrie (the guy who wrote peter pan), Barbara Bush, Orville Wright , Shirley Temple, Norman Rockwell , Ruby Dee, and HELLOOOOO??? ..... Audrey Hepburn (!!)

There were a few other painters, scientists, etc. in there too, but these were the cool ones! Yes everyone, don't be jealous...Audrey Hepburn is my cousin. 11th cousin, 4th removed to be exact...but there's blood there anyways! Who's counting afterall? :)

1.01.2008

His boots are made for walkin’


I'm not getting any AGAIN today *sigh*...that seems to be my most frequent thought lately, unfortunately. Admittedly this has become somewhat of an idol in my life and I'm trying to deal with it, believe me. But if you want to know just how important sex is in a marriage...just ask the person who wants it but isn't getting it!

Exactly what sex does and fulfills is an entirely different blog (because it does sooo much--on every level of the relationship), but with reflecting the last few days on the state of my union and wondering where it's going, what's going to happen, yada yada yada, it's been really easy to focus on those negative things floating through my mind. It's so easy, in fact, to forget that you're just a sinner married to another sinner and things are never going to flow with total peace and smoothness. It's so easy to forget that my lover is not the lover.

Once upon a relationship I got spoiled by someone who totally "got me". No matter what situation we were in, we had the best time--laughing, joking, talking, pondering--it was the most amazing, laid-back, satisfying relationship I'd ever had.....until I found out he was married. While that taught me that no relationship is what it seems and it will never be perfect, I still hung onto the idea that other relationships could be as good as that one in all the other ways. What I'm just now starting to understand (a little bit) is that I think that was the relationship exception rather than the rule.

My husband (or any other man for that matter) isn't always going to think everything I say is the most awesome, well-thought out, articulate, enlightening thing that he's ever heard. Most of the time I'm going to get a simple "uh-huh, that's nice" while he's still staring at the tv. He's not going to dress stylishly (unfortunately) all the time and I actually will get sick of looking at his bed-head and holey sweat pants day after day. On the other hand, am I all that fantastic and fullfilling to him? As I roll my eyes at him dragging in yet another box of "junk" to tinker with or another abused and abandoned computer from someones curb, I'm sure he's not feeling all that understood and appreciated.

What my soul needs to finally grab hold of is that as long as the important stuff is there...fidelity, etc...the rest just has to be ok. For me because of those few "perfect" times in past relationships I've learned that being fulfilled means finding someone to finish your sentences for you and to "ooh and awww" over every word you say. That's not reality and I know it...it's just soooo hard to let go of! I mean who doesn't want a soul-mate instead of just a room-mate? Yeah, that's tough to let go of, but it's something that I have to let die if I want to thrive in this marriage instead of just existing.

This morning I woke up to the phone ringing...it was one of the places Scott had recently applied. He starts work tomorrow morning at 8:30 (pray for him!)!!! p.s...YAY GOD! :) I can already hear cynical voices in my ears saying things like "yeah, I wonder how long that will last!"--but it's a START. It's the first answered prayer of the new year and I'm taking it. It's at a place 1/2 a block away so he can walk if he has to and we just went to WalMart and bought him some nice work boots (that are made for walkin', and that's just what he'll do! lol). This morning, after he told me about the new job, he brought me in a danish he had gone out and bought me for breakfast. Little things like that really get me. I don't need diomands or fancy vacations....throw the big girl a danish from the corner store and it will be all good! LOL

It's little things like this that make me think the other stuff will fall into place. If not, God will handle it...but for today things are good. I'm calm (and medicated! heehee) and I have a husband with a job who bought me danish because he was thinking about me. I'll take it. :)
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