7.26.2007

I am


A friend told me today that I needed to listen to this song because it "it is so you." And she also told me that I would probably cry all the way through it. So I couldn't wait for her to send it to me, I had to download it right away and listen to it....and yep, I cried all the way through! lol I love this song...she's right, it IS so "me". It's a very nostalgic, emotional, tender song between a girl and her everything...her Lord.

My favorite part of the song is this:

"Life had begun, I was woven and spun,You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,But they'll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home"
...that sounds so beautiful to me...and the visual I get brings me to tears. That's an image that I use to encourage myself when I feel like I'm doing everything absolutely wrong. That I'm falling on my face over and over. I remind myself that the angels danced and rejoiced when I was formed...and that I am loved deeply and beautifully by the one who will never leave me. My "I Am".

I Am

by

Nichole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn't always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

CHORUS:
And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said "Elbow healer,
Superhero,
come if You can,"
and You said "I am"
Only 16,
life is so mean,
what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes,
You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again

CHORUS:
When I was weak,
unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said "Heart-ache Healer,
Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend"
and You said "I am"
You saw me wear white,
by pale candlelight,
I said forever to what lies ahead
two kids and a dream,
with kids that can scream
too much it might seem when it's two AM

CHORUS:
when I am weak,
unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
"Oh Shepherd,
Savior,
Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,"
and You say "I am."
The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around us
so we find a foothold that's familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel
You nearer Life had begun,
I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne,
who can say when,
But they'll dance again,
when I am free
and finally headed home

CHORUS:
I will be weak,
unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
"Creator,
Maker,
Life-sustainer,
Comforter,
Healer,
My Redeemer,
Lord and King,
Beginning andthe End,
I am,
yes, I am."

7.23.2007

One of the neatest women I've ever seen

I love Tammy Faye Messner. I really do...and always have. So many people trashed her and made fun of her, but I always had such an affection for her. She had the most infectious, beautiful spirit and every time I saw her she made me want to be a better person and to love God even that much more. She knew how to love people without compromising her values. She also had such a campy, spunky spirit about her and she taught me from very early on that you could be yourself and as colorful as that may be and still be a Christian. We all have colors in our personality...from Allison with her pink and hearts, to Megan with her football...and Tammy Faye with her mascara. I cried for her....but as the Steven Curtis Chapman song says, "we can grieve with hope". Tammy Faye is with Jesus. And she should be. The suffering that she was obviously going through breaks my heart and I'm so glad that we can know that she's at peace now. I know this is a little long, but please watch it, it's worth it....



7.22.2007

An experienced nurse

For those of you who don't know yet, I started my new job today and am THRILLED about it!!! I have to orient for two weeks on dayshift (blah!) then I start working 3-11:30, three times per week.

I'm going to be an "admission facilitator" which means I go wherever an admission is coming into the hospital, or to the emergency room and do the admission paperwork/take medical histories. Not bad at all! I also have to cover the outpatient clinic and am orienting there right now. They do all the outpatient procedures like give chemotherapy, blood transfusions, antibiotics, put in central lines, etc. Still not a bad deal. I feel so blessed to have been given this job and am so grateful for it! As a tribute to my wonderful profession of nursing I thought I would post something I read that might sound horrible, but is oh so true! :)

*A graduate nurse throws up when the patient does. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up.

*A graduate nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can't read it. An experienced nurse doesn't wear a name badge for liability reasons.

*A graduate nurse charts too much. An experienced nurse doesn't chart enough.

*A graduate nurse loves to run to codes. An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.

*A graduate nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse. An experienced nurse doesn't want anyone to know they are a nurse.

*A graduate nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad. An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.

*A graduate nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient. An experienced nurse will chart the patient is confused and restrain them.

*A graduate nurse can hear a beeping iv pump at 50 yards. An experienced nurse can't hear any alarms at any distance.

*A graduate nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds. An experienced nurse doesn't want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.

*A graduate nurse spends two hours giving the patient a bath. An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.

*A graduate nurse thinks people respect nurses. An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.

*A graduate nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it. An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.

*A graduate nurse looks for a chance to "work with the family". An experienced nurse avoids the family.

*A graduate nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time. An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.

*A graduate nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient. An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.

*A graduate nurse always answers their phone. An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.

*A graduate nurse thinks psych patients are interesting. An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.

*A graduate nurse carries reference books in their bag. An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch and something for a headache.

*A graduate nurse doesn't find this funny. An experienced nurse does.

"The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off-duty."

7.19.2007

Purple haze of Jesus


Maybe the hideousness of last weekend was the best thing that could have happened to us. Things too personal to share except with the closest of the close. Words said. Tears shed. Can't be undone. Bells that can't be un-rung. Consequences that nobody wants to face but have to. Plain and simply put.... rock bottom.

But God makes all things new. That's what he promised...and he's a keeper of promises. The clouded vision of looking through tear-soaked eyes has melted into the "purple haze of Jesus". That's how a voice from my past would've put it, except he meant it as a negative thing. As if those who could lose themselves in Christ's love and hand themselves over to him were weak and undesirable. I, on the other hand, see it as one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Selflessness. Love. Self-control. Sympathy and empathy. Joy. Peace in knowing I'm doing the right thing and it is well with my soul. Thank you Lord. If I had to suffer, please let it be for righteousness sake. I trust you and I'm seeing the results.

Let me tell you, I'd take the purple haze of Jesus that I'm swirling in vs. anything from the last few weeks that I'd had. Make that ever.

7.13.2007

I've officially done it!

Ok...the chemo is officially on board. After working up some courage and reading tons of stuff about it just now, I got up, walked over to the table, threw the pills in my mouth and swallowed. No procrastinating! If I thought about it for even a second I couldn't swallow it....boy my husband would find that familiar huh? lol (ok soapy...there's your sleepy blog!!! heehee). Anyways....I'll take it every Friday and I will probably not see much benefit for 6 weeks. Please pray for me though. This med has terrorized me! I've been scared to deeeeaaaaattttthhhhhh about taking this and have procrastinated for a while now. Some people say they know someone (it's always one of those medication urban legends...."I know someone who knows someone who took it....", but no one ever has a first-hand account) who's taken it and done ok, and then others say "oh no! you're gonna be sooo sick!!" So I have the possibility of doing quite well, or doing pretty bad. We'll see. Some nausea and minor hair loss is what it says on the pharmacy form. I have to get my liver checked every 3 months because it can cause cirrhosis and/or hepatitis. It can also affect my kidneys. So off we go!!! Keep up the prayers guys!! Thank and love you all!!!
vb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
p.s..... I've gotten a few messages wondering what I'm taking the chemo for and suddenly realized maybe not everyone knows! So I just thought I'd stick on here a little response I just sent out to a friend....It's for my lupus...it's been too out of control for too long. Since chemo wipes out your immune system (lupus is immune based) it's hoped that as my immune system rebuilds itself it will be a more controlled and well-behaved immune system. It's like a bad kid that needs a timeout I guess. lol :)

7.11.2007

To be known

Don't believe it when people lie to you and say that the first year of marriage is supposed to be all bliss and butterflies...it's HHHHAAAAAAARRRRRDDDDDDD. Hard hard hard. Not soon after you say "I do" and move in together you realize....boy are we different! And that's not really a good thing because we innately are drawn to those most like us (You also need to ignore the "opposites attract" crap that some people sling! You might like it at first, but everything you love and are attracted to will quickly start to get on your nerves!).

I always thought the best thing about being married was that I would be "known". Meaning that I love the idea of someone knowing that I like my coffee with some milk and 3 sugars, that Earl Grey is my favorite tea, Tresor is my favorite perfume, I like very clean/classic lines verses trendy clothing. I would much rather spend a day in a museum than outdoors camping, etc. anyday. That the biggest turn-on for me is to give me some good "brain" and engage me in a conversation/debate...when I feel that you are interested in the part of me that's between my ears then you get the rest of me freely and with gusto. I'm a germophobe and I hate the feeling of paper. I have no desire to go to California...not even for a day...for years I've carried on a long-distance love affair with NYC. I'm a sucker for Italian food and for most any kind of sweet dessert....especially caramel. I'm a terrible flirt and my greatest joy would be to pounce on my man like a sex-kitten the minute I see him. I love the theatre and swing music. I adore black painted furniture, and a man wearing cologne. That's the me that I like and how I want to be known.

Instead I'm known for other things in his eyes...we don't get to pick when someone gets to know us what they choose to focus on. All of you is thrust out there naked and vulnerable and unfortunately it is so easy to focus on the negative vs. the positive. I think he's ignored the whole good list and has chosen to only see that I'm not a morning person, that I don't argue well, that I have big issues with giving up control, that trust is one of the biggest issues I have and that I don't deal well with deceit. My kids used to (and still do) get the biggest punishment for lying. I would tell them that "lying is the kiss of death...satan is the father of lies." Because of this if I'm going to say something it's going to be the truth or I'm not going to say anything. This comes off as me being closed up and building walls (because I'm keeping my mouth shut to try and be nice) or if I'm asked "what's wrong" enough times I'm going to say. That gets me in trouble because I'm too honest. I'm a firm believer in "don't ask questions you don't really want answers to." This being said, if you didn't accept my polite "I'm ok, don't worry about it" and keep asking then you're going to get an answer. And you're probably not going to like it. Let me tell you, someone who can't take criticism/anything negative about themselves and someone who is all about honesty and analyzing/growing & getting better make for some pretty "interesting" conversation!! I'm also a huge believer in finishing what you start and keeping to your word. I don't make alot of promises because I know that if I do I have to follow through. Mix that with someone who thinks that means nothing (so I changed my mind....so what?) and that can also get pretty nasty. He then claims I'm controlling and I say his word means nothing and he can't be trusted. He thinks I see it as all about me and I think the same thing about him. I think he's hugely selfish. He sees himself as perfect and I see him as very mean and hurtful when he's angry....just like me. We aren't so different really, he just likes to think we are with me on my pedestal and him over there on his high-horse. When we've been "disconnected" for a while he needs to be intimate in order to feel connected again and I can't be intimate UNTIL I feel connected again or I just feel used and insulted.

What's the solution to this mess? I sit here and shrug my shoulders because I'm so clueless. I really have no idea. I know I've been married before, but honestly those were marriages of convenience. I wanted out of the house, I needed taken care of, etc. There was no working on those...they were doomed to fail from the start. This is different. I want him. I love him. I want this to work so bad. I want people to look for me in 25 years and see that I'm still married to the same man. I want to start seeing the "him" that he wants to be known for, instead of the "him" that I'm choosing to see. I know the Lord will bless this and can strengthen and change us as individuals...I just wish he'd hurry up!!! Seriously Lord, please save us from ourselves. Help us survive this hard part and teach us how to love and serve each other the way we are supposed to. I trust you Lord, I just don't trust myself...or him...to not make a bigger mess of this.Because of all of this, I want to try and focus on the positive. Here are ten things I love about my husband and my marriage....

He laughs so easily
His dark hair
When he has stubble on his face
That he takes care of me
That he wants to be a father to my children
That he's so handy with just about everything
That he's trying to quit smoking
That he quit drinking
That he is a Christian
That he's starting to try to come out of his shell as a Christian with more boldness

**and a pinch to grow an inch....*** that he was the best kiss of my life and was still on my mind nearly twenty years later.

I love you babe...."keep holding my hand so we don't get separated..."

7.10.2007

OMG Courtney


Here are a few of the answers my dork of a daughter put on one of her surveys.... she cracks me up. lol

*What's your zodiac sign?capricorn...i think its a mixbetween unicorns and regular corns.

*Are you Asian?: yes (whatever! you're such a dork lol)

*Romantic or spontaneous: eh...is that like the sopranos?

*Do you believe in love at first sight?: not if your blind

*Why did your last relationship fail?: because we didn't pass

*Been on a house boat?: how in the world do you pick up a house and put it on a boat...

*Cried because you lost a pet?: yeah. i cried when my brother moved...it was just a very depressing day

*Smile or eyes: smile...but i like it when they have eyes too.

*Intelligence or attraction: both. no wait. im lieing attraction

7.09.2007

WOOHOO!!!


PRAISE!!!


It's only been three years in the making, but Randy's room is E-M-P-T-Y!!!! WOOHOO!!! And I hope he reads this too!!!

As much as he owes and as little as he's done you'd think as a man he'd be embarrassed. He's not though. He always tries to play himself up to be in the right and to be the hero. And God only knows the stories I'm sure he's made up about me to the rest of the world to make me look bad and himself like the good guy trying to help me out. He claimed recently that he needed to move back in with his mom to "help her out". Whatever player....just go! lol God bless you, now go! I told him he still owes what he owes though and so insulted me by giving me $50.00 and then moving out. You know what? That's ok too! Shooo fly! lol I wish him all the luck in the world and in his future...but ex-spouses don't belong in the same house.

So now, whether we sell the house or work something out to keep it is up to the Lord. I really don't know which way it will work. And I have to admit I'm really sad that Darren is gone (even temporarily). I know he can be a pain in the butt, but he's still my son and I'm really uncomfortable with him being over there. Isn't that the same house that last year Randy refused to let Courtney go stay at during her drama because it was "no place for kids to be"? Yeah, I thought so too. But Darren has it in his mind that the grass is so much greener and this is something he has to get out of his system. I'm so worried about there not being any supervision though. My fear is that he's going to start running the streets with his friends (they now live back in our old neighborhood on Brownell Ave.) and will start getting into trouble, drinking, or whatever else. Even if it turns out differently later, for right now I'm just looking at it like he's at Randy's for summer visitation. If it works out well, then we'll discuss something more permanent...but we'll see.

Randy is so devious and manipulative....I'm just so glad to have his unhealthy presence out of here. Darren didn't respect our authority because he thought he'd be able to play Dad against Mom, etc. Not to mention my husband deserves a flippin medal for putting up with this for the last year!!! What a guy!

Even though I hate change, some change is good. A new day is coming. :)

7.06.2007

Ok again


Like stepping out of the shower on a hot day and then standing wet in front of a fan....refreshing, comforting...that's what today feels like.


I always say "boy I'm never gonna go through that again!!", and then the next month it sneaks up on me quietly and calmly just like a predator stalking it's prey. It grabs me and pulls me down so fast and furiously it leaves me reeling and my head spinning. My head pounding, my body physically exhausted and my spirit drained. Humbled by the sheer magnitude of the internal crisis I just went through and lying in a crumpled heap at the father's feet. I don't smoke. I've never done drugs. I don't drink (well does a drink every couple of years count as drinking? Not really.). I don't have the conventional "tools" that satan can use to cause chaos in my life. Instead his poison boils down to three letters.... p.m.s.


I never thought I suffered from p.m.s. until the last couple of years because I always thought that meant you had to get "bitchy"...and I don't. Don't get me wrong, I can get in plenty of arguments, but they're always based out of rejection, depression and desperation. It wasn't until the last few years that I actually got to spend some time with myself for the first time ever and started getting to know ME that I started to recognize the pattern. It only lasts for a day, sometimes two and every once in a while will slip by without much pomp and circumstance. Then there are other months like this one, where this tsunami of blackness swallows me up. When I look back I can see it sneaking up for a couple of days. A little more melancholy. A little less smiling. Feeling more lonely. Not as optimistic. Then it can be as simple as a comment made to me....anything, really. Then the dam breaks and there I am being taken whole. It's at that point that I know that I know that I know that I am unloved, that my life is hopeless, that I would rather be anywhere but on this earth.


Yesterday I got set off when out of nowhere I heard Amelia taking her new toy that she got at Cedar Point (that wasn't cheap) and smashing it as hard as she could onto the dining room floor...for no reason. Just decided to smash it. My feelings were so hurt by this because if she only knew how much I couldn't really afford that toy for her, but wanted to do something special, etc. And the shock of it all....she NEVER does things like that. EVER. She is so well-behaved and obedient and she did this? I had to discipline her and that was enough. I was a well of tears all day long. Gut-wrenching sobs and swollen eyes. Head pounding. Doesn't it sound like a PERFECT time to pick a fight/start a deep discussion with me? Yeah, I think so too. But for some reason my wonderful husband thought it looked like a great time. So by the time I went to work last night I was really holding on by my fingernails.


To look back on it through emotionally sober eyes, nothing ever seems like as big of a deal as it is when you're going through the midst of it...but when you're in the middle of the storm it's overwhelming. I thought thoughts last night that I haven't thought in a long time. Never totally seriously....but they were there. And I heard myself praying that God would let me go. Let me be done. And then as cliche as it sounds..... I was standing between my girls' beds holding their hands and saying their prayers with them and I could literally feel them holding me down. Not with their hands...but spiritually. When my spirit was claiming defeat and wanting to drift away I could feel them holding me. That sounds insane, I know. The best way I can think of to describe it is where in the Bible it talks about a woman touching the hem of Jesus' garment and some of his annointing flowed out of him and into her...and he could feel it. He stopped and said "somebody touched me". I could feel some spiritual warfare going on in that room. When I couldn't fight for myself, I was being fought for...and where two or more are gathered together in his name, there he was in the midst.


Scott had made a cd unbeknownst to me and stuck it in my van's cd player so that it came on when I went to work and one of the songs on it was "Praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns. Nothing coincidental about that! The line that says


"I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm"


really got me. I just kept praying and praising and begging for help. I got to work and everyone asked me why my face was so red when I walked in and someone who I'm not even close to came up behind me and said "I don't know what's wrong but you really need this hug...". People sent me messages and lots of things like that. I really appreciate that. I really do. You have no idea.


Today I came home face still swollen and eyes still red. Head still pounding. You know the kind of nasty hangover that comes from a day of binge crying. Well, I kept praying. Kept praising. And went to sleep. God in his infinite mercy let me wake up slowly starting to feel like myself again. The fog had lifted. Glory! It scares me to death sometimes....the power of that thing they call "depression". After Darren was born I was told I had a touch of the "baby blues".... HA!!! Not. Not that I would've ever done these things mind you, but several years later when I saw the stories on the news of mothers in a depressed psychosis doing harm and then hearing Brooke Shields story.... I UNDERSTOOD. I with my whole heart and soul understand what it is to be that low. And now I just get a glimpse. Every month or so. Just a small taste. And it is a place that constantly humbles me and leaves me in awe of the power of forces unseen. It's a time when I need prayer and positive energy sent my way more than any other time.


Thank you. You all know who you are. My prayer warriors. I truly do love every one of you...I owe my everything to you. Don't ever underestimate the power of prayer. Ever. Go before me Lord.


I'm ok again.

7.05.2007

Conversation with myself

Hey there...you have such sadness in your eyes. Do you know that you are dearly loved?

Who me?

Yes.

That's what they say...but I'm having so much trouble feeling it where it counts right now.

You are. You are beautiful..the King is entrhralled with your beauty.

I know. Why does that sometimes not feel like enough? Why is it other people that I want to love me so bad?

Because you're human.

I hear you in one ear and in the other ear I hear the white hot demon of depression reminding me how unlovable I am. For so many reasons. Why does it come so easy for some people? Why do I suck so bad? This was never my agenda....not my life, my personality, my education, my career, my children, my marriages, my churches. None of it. I'm trying to make the best of what I have but I'm struggling so bad.

You are dearly loved. You are.

7.03.2007

Morale booster

Hey ya'll. Just here to drop a few lines to catch everyone up on my life. Not much has changed. As you can tell from my last few posts I've been struggling with a little bit of depression lately. Mostly on the personal/relationship front. It's still struggling honestly. It's not even that we don't get along....it's just that there's nothing happening. Some people like gifts, some people like acts of service...i'm pretty much tied equally between physical touch and quality time (have you guys read "the five love languages"?). When one person feels that just being under the same roof qualifies as quality time and the other needs more than that...it can lead to trouble. I was pretty much at my lowest low point so far today....and God knew it. He is so good isn't he? Today I got a compliment in my inbox from an old friend asking why I put "Just me..." next to the pics on my page ("cause anyone looking at that would never think it is "just" you.....thank you, you know who you are.) Then Joleen called me twice today. She never calls me much anymore, so when I missed her first call I figured I'd call her back eventually....but then she called again. So I said "ok Lord, I get it....I'll call her." And I'm glad I did. We talked for over two hours and it really fed my spirit so much. Through the conversation she said some really complimentary things to me that gave me a little boost and made me smile and then we prayed together...and that always helps. I have the best friends, I really do. I love them all so much. I honestly don't believe Scott always has any malicious intent for avoiding me....even though I bring it up to him. I think most of the time he just doesn't get it. He's heard it. It's been expressed to him. But it is still lost on him. He just doesn't get it. The problem is that I had reached the point last night and then today where I quit. I quit trying, quit asking, quit offering myself to him. I checked out. And you know what he had the nerve to say to me? "What's your problem the last few days...you've had a real attitude towards me." No pal, I just quit making myself so available to you. And if you don't know what the problem is after I've broadcast it on a billboard for you AND sent you smoke signals then oh well. I'm done. If you want me, you'll work for me now. Why is love about such crappy fu**ing games???? And don't any of you dare come back at me with your high-horse crap about "if it's real love then there shouldn't be any games ever played." Bullcrap. I don't care how "healthy" your relationship is....you've played games at some point or another. It's the nature of the beast. And if you claim you haven't...then I heap you in the same pile with the guys who say they don't jerk off or "no, of course I don't think she's pretty honey!", or "I ALWAYS floss!".....whatever. I'm the flossing queen and even I don't always floss! Anyways, I digress. Needless to say, that phone conversation kind of talked me down from the ledge for the time being.

On other notes....I'm totally addicted to Mandy Moore's new album "Wild Hope". I wasn't crazy about the songs at first until I read an article talking about how most of the songs were written about Zach Braff (from Scrubs) and their break-up last summer. I love Zach....think he's awesome and so witty. I love Scrubs too....it's one of my faves ever. So being the voyeur that I am I wanted to know all the dish on their beeswax and read all the lyrics while listening to the songs....and now I'm addicted to the album. I found myself constantly humming the songs and singing them in my head...I just can't get enough of it now. I especially really love the tracks "Can't You Just Adore Her" and "Gardenia". p.s....from the lyrics it totally sounds like Zach cheated on her!!! BOO YOU WHORE!!! Ok, that was a little harsh...I mean SAY IT AIN'T SO!!! Like I said, I love me some Zach, but any man who cheats..... BAD! His last blog talked about the bad press lately that's labeled him a "cad" and his claim is "don't believe the hype." So the following is aimed at Zach (because we all know he reads all of his fans blogs! duh!):
You are obviously very articulate as well as witty. The best you can come up with was "don't believe the hype"??? Come on vanilla bear....you're letting down your biggest fans. And not that we need to know your business...but IF (if, if, if) you really did do these things....you could at least apologize. The way you leave it, the songs are speaking for themselves.

Ok, I'm done.

Other than that...I got my new job!!! WOOHOO!! It's 3-11, 3 times per week. It's as an "admission facilitator" which means going from E.R. and floor to floor doing the admission paperwork for new patients. If you're a nurse you can read between the lines on that one.... NO MESSY WORK (if you know what I mean, *wink, wink*)!!!! Yeah baby! lol At first I was nervous because the Director of Nursing called me and offered me the position and said "we'll discuss when you start next week when I get back from vacation." .......and then they fired her and three more big-wigs the very next morning and she'll NEVER BE BACK from vacation!!! lol Yeah! That's what I was thinking too! lol So I've been making alot of calls to H.R. and my boss, etc. And Praise the Lord...I still have my new position! *phew!* They just have to work on when I start and under what boss. So please keep praying for me.

Nothing else really new right now. I've been planning (every day) to start a diet and change the way I'm eating....and to work out more. HA! I kind of blew that out of the water this week! lol What with my depression (which is all P.M.S. based I know) I can forget trying it for another week or so. Oh well...that's ok. Fat & sassy! I need to look up that old blog and post it for old-times-sake and for a little morale booster.

Hope you're all doing great! Love you all! :)

VB
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